Sunday, April 24, 2005

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it." -Mark Twain

I thought y'all'd enjoy that. It's a quote from
Mere Islam , a site I found while surfing for food for my muslima soul.

I feel like I haven't really been describing my life here in PR. Now that I actually have a time frame on leaving (September, insha'Allah, I'm outta dis piece), I'm looking back at all my writing, paper and otherwise, and I haven't really captured the essence of this place, the way I want to taste it in my memories when I'm shivering through a NYC November, or worse, February.

So even though I'm not up to it just at the moment, I'll be doing that more often.

JOB SEARCH UPDATE: Nothing yet. Woo hoo.

Today I went to the Pueblo (not safeway Maggie, haha)and shopped for food for the first time in, seriously, about a month. The eating out was getting too ridiculous for my suddenly slimmed pocketbook. But if I swing it right (and I plan to), I have enough food to eat 3 meals a day from my house. Yay!

My house is also presentable for the first time since I moved in (end of February, for those who kept track), which is making me happy. I still have a constant low level of anxiety going though, connected to the fact that I feel like I'm missing a source of income. So now I'm stressed about bills and such. I've got to relax.
My shoulders are constantly knotted up. Geez. What's a girl to do?

Since last night was a full moon, I called Trilce on the spur of the moment, and we went out to El Balcon del Zumbador to see if we could get our salsa on. T'was horribly disappointing, nothing like the first time I went. Estaba llenita de viejos que me tiraron toda la santa noche. Y si no era un viejo, era una del grupo de lesbianas que se estacionaron en la esquinita del bar alrededor de la tabla de billares. Trilce y yo ibamos a jugar, pero cuando entrabamos, todas las mujeres me miraron y empezaron a susurrar, como que yo era cute. I swear. What the heck is going on???

Nemmind, I know what the deal is. I had a long chat with Toto about it the other night... faith follows life follows faith. Since I truly honestly with all my heart believe that there is a man who is a Muslim and loves God as much as I do out there, God (swt)isn't gonna let me stray off that path by finding a cute, personable guy while I'm on la isla del espanto. *sigh*. Insha'Allah.

So yeah, anyone who actually reads what I post knows that I'm still Muslim, though it has been a struggle. I feel like a seed planted in the desert; hard as heck to blossom to my best spiritually when the Arab immigrant community here isn't really letting me in. But I still cover after a fashion. I still pray. I still fast. I still give my time (since I have no money). I still believe.
I hope I never become the kind of Muslim or contribute to the kind of community environment I've found here. I might not know all the hadith that apply to a particular situation, and I can't quote surahs in Arabic. But I know the meaning of Ummah and brotherhood, and I'm being the best example I can while I'm here.

whew, feel better now.

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