Monday, December 18, 2006

Mabrook and Congrats, Sister!


My sister has graduated from college. Magna cum laude, masha'Allah!

I spent the past weekend getting to and then attending her graduation, eating with her, meeting her beau (and man, the moment when he met our father- PRICELESS!), meeting all the friends she'd talked about for five years. I'll never forget the moment she walked across the stage, when they called her name.

It was good to be able to see her, talk to her, tell her I'm proud of her and I love her. Any and all drama that took place is secondary to that, so that is where I'll leave it. Congratulations, Sister!

in other observations,

Can I join this group? It sounds like a great idea not only ecologically but also financially. To have a valid justification for not buying things, one that makes me feel valiant instead of depressed and sacrificial, is a good idea. Hmm.

I officially took the day off, but I have errands to do, and I really should pop into the office for a couple hours so I can meet my new 'boss' on her first day. She'll be back for a couple weeks starting in Jan.


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Straight from my background- since you asked


Ms. Koonj asked about Proverbs 15.

From bible gateway dot com:
Proverbs 15

1A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

2The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.

3The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.

4A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.

5A fool despiseth his father's instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent.

6In the house of the righteous is much treasure: but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble.

7The lips of the wise disperse knowledge: but the heart of the foolish doeth not so.

8The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD: but the prayer of the upright is his delight.

9The way of the wicked is an abomination unto the LORD: but he loveth him that followeth after righteousness.

10Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth reproof shall die.

11Hell and destruction are before the LORD: how much more then the hearts of the children of men?

12A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him: neither will he go unto the wise.

13A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

14The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness.

15All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.

16Better is little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith.

17Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.

18A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.

19The way of the slothful man is as an hedge of thorns: but the way of the righteous is made plain.

20A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother.

21Folly is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom: but a man of understanding walketh uprightly.

22Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.

23A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!

24The way of life is above to the wise, that he may depart from hell beneath.

25The LORD will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow.

26The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD: but the words of the pure are pleasant words.

27He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.

28The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.

29The LORD is far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous.

30The light of the eyes rejoiceth the heart: and a good report maketh the bones fat.

31The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.

32He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.

33The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.

It's still a great reminder and good wisdom by which to live.

Sherry: Briefly, Love ya, too! I have no phone right now, I think I explained earlier, so I'll have to call you later. But thank you for your kind words on my capability, I really really really needed to hear that just then.

Oh, btw Shabana, I can't pull up your blog. Any reason?

peace to all

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Fine! Be like that!


I am, at heart, both stubborn and sensitive, loving and judgmental, strong and fragile. I've always been this way. I have great armor. Can't get through it all that easily. And that's good sometimes, because gee, I bleed so easily when I am hurt. I'm a warrior. I'm a woman.

Right now I GUESS (because I don't know) I'm fighting myself as much as someone else.
So many times during my childhood I was told that it wasn't necessarily What I Said, but How I Said it that counted. Because I'm pretty straightforward, I don't mince words. If I have something to say, I say it. And sometimes I'm misunderstood, because the passion behind my words is seen as malice. My moms always had to bust out the Proverbs 15 on me, especially those first 3 verses.

But anyway, I'm fighting a fight where the other wields silence, a lack of communication that turns me back on myself, and makes me hurt anyway. And I find myself calming myself down from irritation ten or fifteen times a day. I just want to get all up on them and say, "FINE! BE that way!" and mean it. I mean it. I don't CARE that you can't do what I want you to. I just need you to understand that I accept you as you are. Really.

But how can I do that if you won't even talk to me?!

I hate this.


Friday, December 08, 2006

Need cheese please


For all this whine, of course.

I don't want anyone to be worried, or anything. I'm here, I'm alive, physically well (and for those who are with me, I've lost 5 more lbs! Yay! Bad news: it's because I'm not eating much, I'm stressed out. But it's 5 lbs, which for me isn't all that much...).

The time between my last post and now has been some of the most emotionally and financially hard time I have ever. Ever. been through. I think only my first week in the house in Puerto Rico tops it. I went to see my Grandma and the rest of my families in the South a couple weeks ago. My father's family made me relax. Unfortunately I saw my mother's family last and left that house for Atlanta crying unconsolably. I hate that I feel like I can't talk to a lot of people in my family. My grandmother is not doing well and that's putting it diplomatically. I'd love to be able to help, but I've been told in so many words that that is NOT what is wanted. Gee, thanks. And I don't want to get into it in any more detail. The internet can be the village square when people know you. Anyone know of a good counselor here in the "urrea"?

The weeks since have been pretty bad as well, my roomates are fighting, alternately slamming things, screaming at each other, and talking isht about the situation. I came home one night to find a note on my front door letting the world know exactly what was going on in the house. That wasn't the intention of my roomie who left the note, just as the person who cursed and slammed out the door wasn't caring about the reaction of our other roomie, but it makes for nice amounts of tension. There was a point when I felt I had no peace, anywhere.

And my job? I've been so off-balance elsewhere that it's affecting my work. I had a director pull me into her office and read me the riot act with the door open, thus ensuring that the ENTIRE office heard every. word. Then, this week, after working hard to redeem myself, and "ensuring" that I'd get to a crucial course I was to teach early by leaving my house an hour and 15 minutes early, I STILL ARRIVED 20 MINUTES LATE thereby starting on a horrible note and later finding that the instructor whose class I was covering, the one who said everything I needed was in the box? Lied, everything wasn't in the box, and of course since I hadn't checked the box thouroughly enough, it was my fault.

Alllllll Myyyyyy FAUUUUULT.

I keep asking God what I am doing wrong, here. I know up in my head somewhere life isn't supposed to be easy but daggone!

And. Last night, I went to this public event with a bunch of friends. Two of those friends began to PICK ON MY CLOTHES (those who've been around enough KNOW my clothing situation) and I totally blew up at them. I maintain they deserved to know that mess wasn't acceptable, but I blew it out of proportion because one of them was the invatuation I was talking about earlier. Hmm.

So. That's Home, Work, Family, and Friends. God is going great here. Make du'a for me in everything.

Thanks, peace, and love