hijabi meets a girl wearing tzit tzit and other mysteries

assalamu alaikum

Life continues to be surprising. I'm glad I'm still around.

Today I was in one of my favorite restaurants, one where the people at the service counter do not look twice, but instead love to tease me

"que tipo de frijoles quiere?"
"negros... pero, son habichuelas!"
"quien te dijo? Son frijoles, claro..."

about beans in Spanish.
So anyway, today I stand for several minutes next to a rather overweight person in a baseball cap. Wearing tzit-tzit. And so naturally I thought it was a guy until

she

started talking with a friend about how she was saving to fly to her best friend's wedding in CA this October.

And I just had to ask. I've had enough people ask about my hijab to have a crazy religion question card in my wallet, thanks.

So I did:
"Excuse me... can I ask you a silly question?"
"... Yeah, sure."
"Are those... tzit-tzis you're wearing?"
"Yes, they are!"
"But.. I mean, I've never seen a girl wearing them!"
"I know."
"I just... wow, that's awesome, I don't even know where to start."
"It's pretty cool that you know what they are. I mean, are you Jewish?"
"Nope, I'm Muslim."
"You don't even find many Jews who know what they are."
"I just don't know even where to start! How did you come to wear them?"

And she proceeds to explain that they're a mitzvah that she's always been tied to; and that no, she doesn't attend a Conservative temple; she's Reform.
MashaAllah. In spite of the differences, what I felt was the connection: another woman willingly reaching to take charge of her own spirit and how she shows it.

*****

I'm still excited to be in nursing school; but the last two courses required before I can enter will be trying to kill. me. I KNEW I'd decided never to work and go to school full time again for a reason! Although technically I'm not in school full time (only 8 credits, which means 2 classes and 2 labs, so I'm lucky enough to have Fridays after work free), it FEELS that way. Yesterday afternoon I fell asleep after Asr prayer in the middle of a friend's carpeted floor. I slept for 3 hours right there, past Maghrib. She returned to find me still in the floor. I remarked that I couldn't imagine why I was so tired, and she said, "I know why! You're working and going to school full time, dummy!"

Wait, that makes you tired?!

hee hee.

******

We are officially counting the days until the end of the school year. I know I will miss my students- but we have to finish the year, first. I want to teach Calligraphy and Islamic history in the language arts and Social studies classes, fun stuff that will hold their attention and get me through.

OH SHOOT. I forgot my grades were due today. Oh well, they'll wait until tomorrow.


Ideas welcome.

----------

Lastly, the marriage search is still on, albeit in low-key format. I'm still stewing at Sh. Yaser Birjas and the Practimate team; as far as I'm concerned, they owe me $400. Ask me if you want to know more about that.

SafiyaOutlines has a new post up about Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men; I'm sure she'd appreciate your comments. All 2 of you who still hold out for my blog posts. Bless you both.


peace
twennytwo

Marching on

assalamu alaikum,

ALHAMDULILLAH!


I got into nursing school!

:oD


Yes, that's a bigole grin on my face. So much has been going on that the actual acceptnce was a relief. I'll be doing my master's in nursing at the local Catholic university.

I have wanted this for SO long. It's truly terrifying to be without income (except loans) for 2 years. Y'all know me; I never have just one job.

Still, I promised myself I'd never work and do school again. Right now I'm focusing on scholarships and grants. If I have to take loans, then... Allah knows best. I've busted my backside to get my loans as low as they are now. I suppose I need to take Spring Break and find a summer tutoring position. Or something. If I could clean my credit card completely by the end of the summer I'd feel a lot better. I already have some babysitting/tutoring lined up; it's going to be a full summer! Ramadhan- and the start of school- will feel like a relief.


I turned in my letter of resignation last week; it followed some drama. As one of the other staff members told me, "Girl, you have impeccable timing." I haven't been writing about it, but I put up with a lot of shtuff off of the administrators- either bad management and manners, or complete lack of leadership which is worse in one or two ways- and I did it with the view of school firmly in front of me. The principal took it into his head to yell at me in front of people a few times, and made his apologies as quiet as a mouse. I think for me that's what made my application seriously. I made istikhara on it. I'm not saying it's okay for me to be wrong, and I certainly accept a reprimand when it's due. What's not okay is you losing your professionalism or behaving as if you own me. Which this school certainly does not- they're losing another teacher this year to a $10K raise in salary, in a nicer climate. I'm very happy for everyone who has what they want.

Speaking of which, BAM just had the 'inlaws' walima. I'm really excited for him; can't wait to meet his wife. I wondered, when the healthcare bill passed, if it would have affected whether or not they married; but the fact is, I saw it in his eyes when he talked about his now-wife. He's crazy 'bout that girl. So it's good they're together, for whatever reason.

Which leads me to April being a very busy month, in part because we're going to a matrimonial session in DC. Imam Magid is running it; and a group of us are 'tripping it. That's the third weekend in April; this weekend I'm headed to see my great-grandmother with my sister. That won't be as fun a trip as I'd hoped; we'll be cooking for my grandfather and great-grandmother and making sure they're comfortable... G'mama is nearly 100 years old. Even two or three days with her are precious.
Then, the next week is the Conservopolis version of the Amazing Race. This year we want to win it!
And then the last weekend... well, the last weekend is the weekend before May, when the kids will have Field Day, the last Field Trip, and the annual school fund raiser. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

The hardest part for me- beyond cleaning out that classroom- will be the 4th quarter push. I need to take Spring Break and rest, so I can push through it. The last quarter of the year has always been about yearning for Summer for me, and my birthday, and just generally not wanting to teach. After the 1st week of May it's really over. I'm planning on teaching calligraphy- a few of my kids have terrible handwriting, but most of them are artistic and will enjoy that as much as I do- and doing a lot of reading discussion. They've got to study grammar, too. It's hard to fight my own attitude and realize that this one year is all I've had with them. Just like my years with my kids in PR, and VA. I know I will be asked about what I taught, and what they learned. I can only make dua'a that it's enough.

*sigh* I'm ti-yeerd. iA I'll get back to y'all later...

peace
twennytwo

Disney

assalamu alaikum,

So, without giving away too many details (even though I suspect a great many people who know me in real life read this blog without telling me so...), we went on a field trip to Disney this long weekend.

It was great! The trip began cold and wet- I mean, walking around in 50 degree downpours, cold and wet. But that first day was decent. Or, it would've been, if Delta hadn't lost my bags. At least I didn't have to make up a song ala 'United Breaks Guitars'. But when I got the bag back, it was missing some things.

Eh.

We visited 3 parks: Animal Kingdom (created since I'd last been to the parks... whoo boy, that was 13 years ago!), Epcot, and the Magic Kingdom.
It was interesting to see how many Muslims were at the park (answer: not many). I got so excited and would go, 'Muslim sighting!' every time I saw a group with women in hijab. That was fun, the kids got into that too.
And things were pretty crowded even though it was chilly and, well, February. I figured that the Southern Hemisphere folk were out in force; I heard a lot of Portuguese and Spanish going on around me. That was fun, too.

I miss Florida, miss puerto Rico, love those tropical, moist, warm climates. If 50 degrees is cold, I'll take it! Palm trees and sunshine make me happy. This trip was rejuvenating.

One of the kids gave me a heart attack, though, and it really took the enjoyment out of one of the days. She just walked off without saying where she was going to anyone in the group.

Worst 10 minutes of my life, to date. Indirectly I think I have Imette to thank for that. I now absolutely know what could happen when one person is off by themselves, confidently exploring in a public place. I guess I'm still processing her death, 3 years later.

But anyway.

Point for me is that I need to revisit the parks when I can go and shop and sightsee and ride things as an adult, without having to chaperone the young ones. This trip was all about them; I was so happy to see them enjoying themselves. They got to do their thing (and did it well, I might add), shop, ride (really tame and lame) rollercoasters and see attractions.

May was the point person for this trip. I'm really actively trying to learn more from and about May. She's really an amazing person. My upbringing taught me adult-centrism; it was harsh and showed me exactly how to behave around authority, even though it kept me safe. May's kids are sometimes disobedient, but they are loving and she really does focus on them. It's an interesting way to be, and I feel I need a lot more tenderness to go with my obedience.


So yeah, Disney. It was fun.

peace
twenny

Oh man

assalamu alaikum

I have a meeting at 10 for the first time in a month and a half.

I have a curriculum to write and a 40 minute commute in that time.

Hold me.


Good news is, it's the last time I'll be looking at curriculum for that grade, iA. Then I'm off to the big bad world of the older students. And, hey, at least I have a job. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah.


... make dua'a for me, please.

peace
TwennyTwo

I actually don't LIKE being angry and frustrated.

assalamu alaikum,

You know, the past two weeks have been hellish. InshaAllah this is the worst I have to experience in learning something.

It hasn't been the best year for learning, but I can point to microbio and anatomy and definitively say I'm not stupid. But the education classes I attempted/took, and now this arabic intensive, are not working out.

I'm frustrated. I cry daily over a single class for so many reasons. I feel that somewhere maybe I'm doing something wrong (what am I doing wrong?!) or that I'm not spending enough time studying (because studying to 3 AM isn't enough TIME) and then I have to restrain myself from coming out of my mouth on my teacher and my classmates and

and I give.

I give.

There are 3 more days of this course and then I'm done stressing about it. The reaction from the teacher and some of the administrators and even some of my classmates has made me think they have this opinion that I just want to be frustrated, that I don't want to learn.

Nothing could be as far from the truth. This is my fourth language. This is a language close to my spirit and my heart. I still love memorizing. (I'm finally really working on ayat al kursi, and it's working- especially when I have people to feed it to me and explain what it means. Easier to pick up that way.)

So while I'm done with (edited to redact institution name) mentally at this point, I'm not giving up on Arabic.

I feel remorse for having my friends see me get so low over this. I'm just sick and tired of being angry and frustrated. Time to be happy now. I'm done.

TwennyTwo

And then life got bizz-ayy

assalamu alaikum,

Okay, so the Fawak.ih Intensive has been making life super busy. I'm staying at the home of my most gracious friend, and that has really made it easy. I realized- between Nene's wedding, ISNA/Independence Day in DC, and now this, I haven't been home more than 3 days at a time this summer since the last week in June. I'm cherishing it, too. I think the reason I put up with being a teacher in part is the long summers, my best season, in which to spend my time as I please.

So this summer for one month I've chosen to spend my time learning Arabic in the intensive program. I'm beginning to think that programs like this may not be for me, though. Or, I have to reconfigure how I do them. Since I'm staying with my amiga, who lives in the city but nearly an hour away, we miss a lot just in transportation time. Nearly 2 hours each day goes to riding back and forth on the highway- and of course, it's construction season, so that can suddenly be longer in a flash. If I really wanted to study, I'd see about getting a room in the hotel in front of the institute. However, last year I stayed there and got VERY ill- and a lot of the women staying there are getting sick this time- so I'll take a few missed days/hours and inshaAllah stay healthy.

I love the course. I love languages (BAM and The Muslimah can attest), and though learning this one isn't a cakewalk, it's still a worthwhile pursuit. Of course, I made the intention to learn fisabilillah before I went to the program. Which is good, because this is coming with some tests!

First thing is jobs. Alhamdulillah, I still have a job after what I wouldn't call an excellent year, last year. But. I left the school year extremely frustrated with the school, administration, the way things were left previously... etc. In other words, I was ready for a break. I didn't actually stop working until the last week of June, well after the other teachers left, because I was dealing with a mess that the teachers previously had left, but one that I hadn't taken the time to organize.

Annnnnd... so of course I get calls this week and it stresses me out. I'm glad to be moving to a new position (older kids, in an area where I have more experience, inshaAllah) in the school, and I know that even having a job is a blessing right about now. But OMG. My blood pressure and heart rate are jacked just thinking about it. I need a different job, yo. This is my last year.

Then? Of course, it just so happens that my celebrity crush is one of the lecturers at the Fawa.kih program. I don't know how much I need to say about that. But um, yeah. Glad my skin isn't pale, because I surely was flushed and flustered half the time. That was a nice feeling, though...ah, I don't know how to explain it.

My friend and I came up with a new joke, though: Como es que se baje la vista de un hombre bajo? Ask me in the comments if you don't speak Spanish/can't find a translator/don't get the joke.

And? I've sewed a couple of pairs of pants since I've been here, including one for my amiga, which came out really well. It really does give you a boost when you feel as if you are well dressed, and it's fun to be able to say to the other ladies, yes, I sewed them myself, and it's easy, and I'd be happy to show you! Such a feeling of accomplishment, mashaAllah.

So, that's the update. I'm sure there was something else I wanted to talk about, but I need to go study for an exam... Yay, Arabic!

peace
TwennyTwo

Mrs. Moore- and making it to Spring Break

assalamu alaikum,

Ohmagosh. Y'all, finally arriving at Spring Break was like making it to the end of a long hard workout that you didn't want to do in the first place. That was TOUGH! And I RESENTED it! We went from January to April with no breaks. I'm incensed that even though we're an Islamic school, we have to follow our local public district- and they based their break on the Christian calendar. That just meant that we went two months without a break, is all. That, and our break ends with Easter, so all the kids will be bombarded on their week off with pastel bunnies and candy and egg baskets and I don't know what all. I'm not mad at that; just that I'd be a lot more okay if, at Eid, we couldn't escape the 'Eid Mubaraks' and the 'takabarAllah'greetings, if sarees,and silks, and nice suits went on sale, if 'Eid Candy' were even a prospect.

Eh, part of this is that I'm grumpy because this break isn't long enough. I'm trying to figure out how to make it to see Umm Layth. It's been two months without a break, and my disposition suffered.

Two months is not that long. Unless you don't love your job. Then it's sucky.

Lots to think about. I'm currently typing with my Mac on my lap (I love Apple computers. I wish I had that huge Mac Book, but on the other hand, I love love love my baby and I'm happy I have it) while sitting in my bed, my legs propped on a pile of laundry. Who does this to themselves? I have a huge pile of laundry to do. ANd I really don't want to. Which is why I'm writing this post, to anticipate it being done and being able to do other stuff with my spring break.

I was just looking over my archives, and whoa, have I evolved in the past five years. I remember that chick who used to write here when she lived in portareeco, and she was fun, but having lived through what I did... I'm me. Won't be doing that again.

It surprises me how much more my spirituality comes out in my writing; Islam is definitely a fixed part of my identity. I realized it when I was trying to control my reactions earlier.
My favorite teacher, Mrs. A. Jeanne Moore, died on Sunday. I loved her dearly; it's a testament to her class that my Brotha from Anotha Motha (I'm officially giving im the blogname BAM) over there <--- agrees. (He's a grump-wump about teachers in general. Or he was when we were in high school.) She'd spell out the word 'Conservopolis' and made us learn it- this city's name is NOT a joke, even the national media misspells it occasionally. She taught me to write cursive. She taught me to love my self and enjoyed my wacky writing.

That last was most important for me, especially since Mrs. Moore was my first Black teacher. Now, Conservopolis has a decent educational system (even now one of our high schools is being featured on cable TV), and the program BAM and I began in was spectacular. We had two teachers per day from KG through 4th grade; but it wasn't until 2nd grade that we had Mrs. Moore. What she taught us counted; how she saw us stuck in a lot of ways.

(YES, I remember that this is a story about my spiritual identity creeping up on me everywhere. I'm getting there.)

Now, most of you know that I was raised as a Christian, where my mother was very spiritual and my father noncommittal as far as I could see (nowadays he goes to church regularly etc.), so we'd go to church with Mama. Mrs. Moore also attended the same church as my family. I don't know why I didn't realize this until after 2nd grade, but she did. So she was there to witness my pre-teen bossiness and our choir concerts. She was a Delta, and was so super proud when I did my debut with the Deltas. Yes, I'm a Delta Debutante! She sponsored me and came to my ball.

All that was before Islam.

Well, so yesterday my mother told me she died, and I just started sobbing. And the first thing I said? 'Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un' (From God we come, and to God we return). As I contemplated her life today, I thanked God for sending her to be my teacher- she retired just 3 years after I took her class. Today at the time of her funeral, I prayed for her- not the old prayers of my youth; no, what instinctively came to my mind were the pleas of the 'righteous legacy'. "Oh Lord! Expand her grave for her. Let her benefit from our good deeds. Oh Lord! Make the grave light for her, and let righteous Angels and sweet scents be her company. Oh Lord! Accept her good deeds, and make them outweigh the sins by seven times.". And then I added, to myself, 'She was not a Muslim, but she believed in You'.

Then I went back up to the school. The actual elementary school where we all took Mrs. Moore's class is gone, now; they tore it down and rebuilt it. When I walked in, who should I see but Mrs. C, the secretary from my days there! So I got the chance to let her know about Mrs. Moore.

Y'all, I spent a good 20 minutes reminiscing with Mrs. C., since her son Jason was in my class. But I had to stop myself, because every other word out of my mouth would've been 'MashaAllah!' or , 'SubHanAllah!'
Like when she told me that she has a 9 year old grandson, or when she talked about how my old girlfriends now have kids. I really took notice of how often I had to change my expressions around. And I talk a lot. So for me to incorporate dhikr like that means I've made a good deal of addition to my vocabulary. ... MashaAllah.

Hmph. While I was in the office, another lady was there who remembered Mrs. Moore and happened to know of the church since her cousins (who I also grew up with, small world) go there. First thing she said, was, "Oh, you Muslim?" Second question was, "Oh, some man turned you into that?"


*sigh*.

The irony is, I WISH I'd married some man who insisted that his be an Islamic house.

As much as I have incorporated my praise and worship into my life, it seems I will always be an ambassador for Islam, so I better get a little more in.


I don't have much more to say... or rather, I can't seem to type it over the din of the clothes-pile under my feet. InshaAllah I'll be back before the end of the week.

peace

Whoo-hoo, day Two

Assalamu Alaikum,

It has been a long day. No, that's not a pun on the time change, but I'm happy about that, too.

My goal for this month (because I have nothing to do, right, what with teaching tutoring halaqas and now classes) on a personal level is to de-clutter- take two things out of my room for every 1 thing I purchase or have to bring in. I'm so tired tonight that I started a load of clothes and just plopped in the bed, but the next several months will require me to push through the tired, so I may as well begin now.
I did clean out my car, though, and that was a major accomplishment.

I'd appreciate your dua'a through this week; I've been sick and now really don't feel well; unfortunately I have to return to work tomorrow instead of staying home as was my inclination because Tuesday are parent-teacher conferences, and wednesday is our state inspection. I've got some cleaning I want to get done on Tuesday and lesson planning for Monday, so between those I don't get a break until Thursday unless I am suddenly paralysed, Allah forbid. inshaAllah khair.

I've got to decide how much pressure I want to put on myself and how much I will keep accepting from outside. I learned as a young child that wanting something was bad- and now I'm fighting both unmotivation (is that a word?) and entitlement. How do you fight those? By just doing it, picking up and setting goals - and by giving back to other people.

So that's what I'm working on starting now...

peace
TwennyTwo

October 31st Excitement

Assalamu Alaikum,

My students are going on a field trip today, and then returning to the school later tonight for the annual October 31st Game Night. Their parents have been hyping them up for both (which is in the Official Job Description of a parent so I'm not bad), and I'm looking forward to the trip. I love my little ones, and this year as with last I have some joyful as well as challenging personalities, it'll be fun to see them enjoy (or just encounter) a different environment.

Now, I have no problems with Game Night being every year on the same night, even the night that it is. I do have problems with the *ahem* fitna that comes with this particular day, every year. As a teacher, I stand with and actively promote the school policy, which is that there is no celebration of any non-Muslim holiday in the school, and the only Muslim holidays are the two Eids. Anything else we take a break for is federally mandated (e.g. the reason for Thanksgiving and winter breaks). And I truly feel that, even at the age I teach, this is the best thing for my classroom. All the children are happier for it, and no one is left out.

That says, I've had to be really resolved to not condemn the celebration of other holidays, either. I don't want feelngs hurt that way, either, since several of my students have a non-muslim parent or live in families that have more relaxed views of holidays. I ran into this with the celebration of the Prophet's birthday. And um, yeah, I was like- that's not Eid! My assistant at the time had to remind me that, um, some people will try to hurt you if you tell that to their kids! Ohhhh-kay. So the line was that, we don't celebrate birthdays at school- at all. And the children understood that, even if the parents didn't.

I'm not a parent so the issue is pretty much moot on a personal note. I personally will not celebrate it with my children, I don't think. (note the cya I don't think because I have no idear if/who I will marry, that one is still up to Allah.) I'm not exercised about it; I'm just opting to follow what I've been taught of the sunnah and not participating. A family gathering on that day is okay with me, as is Game Night- do something with people of like mind, y'know?

I feel the same way about the elections coming up. I volunteered a while ago to work in Spanish with a certain candidate. I think it was because I temporarily lost my mind. I'm just refusing to get all exercised about it. I will try to meet up with them since I said I would... but if it continues to be a problem I won't be mad. I know I'm going to VOTE but I'm not screaming about my choice of candidate. And I'm certainly not telling the world who my choice is- that's no one's business but my own. That viewpoint I caught (heh, like a cold) from my parents, who have probably been for a certain party since before I was born. Do you know I have never heard them (I mean EVER) identify with any party? I don't know half of their views because we just don't discuss it. My mother put the point on it the other day: "I remember when we were still fighting to vote. Nobody needs to know what I think either way." One of my colleagues was shocked when she straight asked me, "Are you voting Obama?" and I said it wasn't something I talked about. I must've grown two heads, y'all. I know some people feel they can't vote at all Islamically, and that's bunk too. There's no hadith that says we can't exert our influence to say who will be our leaders- ESPECIALLY since we don't live under a khalifa. (Yes, I just lit that firecracker.)

So yes, I'm excited about today, and yes I'm excited about the vote, but you won't catch me screaming about it. Who'd'a thunk it?

peace
TwennyTwo

Race You

Assalamu Alaikum,

So, didn't sleep much last night. This would make up for the fact that I pretty much slept around the prayer times all day yesterday. That's a neat knack to have if it weren't for the fact that I probably should've been up doing things yesterday. I'm not sick, alhamdulillah, but I think a couple things have me a little bit down. One, is a particular man who is exploring the idea of marrying me. The other is the concept of race and how far we've not come on it in this ummah. Sigh.

The man? Was around before that last post of mine. I'm getting a strong 'no' feeling after istikhara and a pretty uneasy and forgettable conversation with him. I don't want to go into it too much here. Just want to note for my own memory that I have this uneasy feeling about him. I'm fighting myself because I don't want to be biased against him without having really met him, when there are a couple of things I could be biased against. I guess I want to give him a fighting chance when something else slightly irrational but true-to-me is saying 'nuh-unh'.

The race thing is, I guess, the flip side of that particular coin. I've been here in Conservopolis a year. And while I've got some friends, they aren't the close-close kind of friends. A very few confidants who are trustworthy. And I trust them because they will make un-politically correct remarks around me. They've let me put my foot in my mouth, too. Certain people, make me think I want to hold them at arms' length, but that isn't the way to maintain friendships, is it? Still. That crew of women who are around my age I find particularly frustrating. One moment they're calling me sweetheart and the next I'm ignoring the fact that there are several gatherings I wasn't invited to being mentioned in my face. Sigh. If I were included I'd have something else to be mad about so I'm gonna stick to the ones who are true: the 30 something moms. For some reason, maybe because they have neither time nor intention to BS me, I'm easier around them.

Then we have the whole dark skin thing. I find it hilarious and at the same time frustrating to be summarily dismissed on first impression because of my skin color and cultural background. Equally funny and maddening to have myself subjected to every stereotype about African Americans simply because I am one. From my teacher at the beginning of the summer to some rude teens at a party the other day, I've seen it and had to have some patience on it.

The patience is always rewarded when the children of the community, my students, no matter what color they are, run and tackle my knees as soon as they see me. Some of these children have begun parroting the 'you're darker, not pretty' belief at me, but their love belies the indoctrination. To have to interrupt my conversation with an adult to direct my attention three feet lower to a (non-African American, paper-bag test passing) child gleefully screeching, "Miss Two! Miss Two!" and watching the adult's expression 'lighten' is better than any fight I could fight.

I wish I could convey that through the internet.

I have to go to work, or I'd finish this. There's another telling thing: I do NOT want to go back to work under one of the admins at my school (no point in singling one of them out). And I don't want to go back, period. This'll change, I'm sure, when I"m in the middle of selecting shiny new posters, laminating borders and arabic cards, making nametags and cubby pictures for my students. Teaching at this level is a very fun line of work; but it is a line of work. InshaAllah I'll be one of those who either finds work that isn't like working, things I think about late at night and can't wait to get to in the morning, or I'll be finally able to make my home that work, and I'll only have to account to my Lord for my days. That? Would be awesome.

peace
TwennyTwo

Yup. Me.

assalamu alaikum,
,
Yes. Me. And what a ride the past couple of weeks have been.

I did get into the Fawakih program, and it is a lot of hard work! I didn't know how much I didn't know until I began. Wa Allahu Alim. I'm sleep deprived already from the studying. I like most of the people there, and the ones who get on my nerves have good intentions, inshaAllah, so I'm making the best of it and working hard to learn, learn learn! I'm happy even as frantic as I've been to study. You know how it's said that doctors are the worst patients? I'm starting to think that teachers are the worst students, wa audhu billah. This is hard!! I've burst into tears twice during tajweed class, and I don't know why it makes me so nervous. I think my perception that I'm the worst in the class isn't helping, especially when we have to listen to everybody else in the class and then recite behind them. I hate the reading in front of a lot of people, esp. the Sheikh- he's really good, I'm embarassed to read so badly when I really do know how to read better- and my roommate, who is excellent. And full of advice. The other teachers are pretty good as well. The program is so accelerated that I feel that's my major hurdle- what for everyone else in my group is review is new material for me and I'm suffering through, studying hard.

I'm making dua'a for one of the sisters there; on the second day her mother in law was put into the hospital because of an accident. She is so nice, and we were sorry to see her family in such pain when she was already struggling just to make it to the program- she has a tiny baby and two other kids. I look at her and learn exactly what dedication to learning is about. mashaAllah.

Because my boss has control and memory issues, and so forgot to tell me until I was 200 miles away at Fawakih, I'm leaving now to go back to Conservopolis and take care of some urgent work business. I'm very frazzled over this. Gas is super high, and now you ask me to make a four-hour round trip? Plus I'm missing the biggest day of f'il conjugations, and I'll have to do the homework and then drive back tomorrow morning. InshaAllah. The good news is that I get to hear Ustadha Noura Shamma give a talk tonight, and I get to sleep in my own bed. This is major. I probably won't get (or take) the chance again to come back during the month, so I'm taking advantage now.

InshaAllah I'll post again just to talk about what's going on here at Fawakih.

peace
TwennyTwo

Nuh-Uh! Me?!

assalamu Alaikum,

Oh my goodness!

I think I got into the Fawakih Program!

Weird, though, I'm not sure. I think I was because I was enrolled into a Sunni Path Arabic course, randomly.

Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. I'm so excited, and yet this means a lot of stuff to do- travel and lodging arrangements, somehow get a computer (!)...

I shouldn't be so excited. It might be someone playing around. Still, I don't think SunniPath would send me something if it weren't legit.

Still, I'm mad excited. I hope it's true! Make dua'a for me... takbir!

peace
TwennyTwo

A Question!

assalamu alaikum,
(Sorry- I'm posting in Blogger Draft, which won't allow an ! in my post label. Hmph. I'll be writing in about that.)
Thanks to Wanda for playing along.

You asked:

To start off with, do you like teaching little kids? To be frank, they scare the heck out of me and they always are crying and stuff. They give me the willies! :) Do you want to do something else?

I answered that a bit here, in an interview meme from the Dictator Princess.
But to say a little bit more and not quit my blog- I like teaching little ones. Not only because it's easier- if I don't write out complete detailed lesson plans it's not the end of the world- or because of what they give, which is lots of love and learning opportunities. I worried a lot at first because children between 3 and 5 years old are learning so much so rapidly that they absorb a lot of teacher's mannerisms. I don't want them taking anything bad from me! On the flip side of that, you can teach them just about anything at that age; learning is still easy. Like, how not to hit and how to use words to resolve arguments. Or how not to cry. Or how not to poke you incessantly in the rear when they want something, but to instead raise their hands and wait patiently for acknowledgement. (Can you tell what we've been working on in class?)

But because of the worry I watch myself; and I've seen how resilient they can really be. Alhamdulillah, I really have become a more open and generous person because of having taught such young children. That, to me, is the big deal.

Now as for the second part of this- do I want to do something else?

Yes. I've always said that I wanted to be a nurse midwife (okay, or possibly an OB/Neonatologist, but who wants to go through all that med school?)with my own tripartite clinic: one part medical, one part nutrition and health education, one part legal aid. InshaAllah I still will do that, but maybe I'll be a bit older than I projected when I do so. Thirty is around the corner. And my co- president of my senior class just contacted me to start planning on our 10 year reunion. HOW FAST was that?!


Thank you for asking!!

peace
TwennyTwo