Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Check this out

Yo, can I work here? This placesounds AWESOME! Wow, now I really really want that job up in Norway, just a hop skip and jump from Finland. I know. I'm being bad. But still.

Rae @ Home
Check this out, it's similar to my viewpoints. Aint that something.

things not worth talking about, and those even less important I like this one too.

I think this whole 'nextBlog' feature is great... but I keep finding good blogs! Whassa girl to do?

T?de Noite

Oh. Um, this is in portuguese. Nao leja se voce nao lea o portugues.

Y'know, I was just over on my friendster page when I realized a couple of things:

1) Friendster wastes a helluva lotta time

2) Got-damn them mens from hiskool is still FINE as frog hair! *sigh*. Must stay on the path. Must stay on the path.

Besides, fantasies are better than reality.

3) I miss music like I used to live it, intensely and in all its variety ('cept country). The other day I just busted out singing Lauryn Hill's 'Zion' and Mike from PB looked at me eyes all wide and was like, "you betta keep singin', girl!" Made me feel better but also made me realize what I gave up when I didn't go to Berklee.

Ah well. Life goes forward in one speed only. I think I'll go stereo shopping this month...



ABC TwennyTwo... from Kaleidomuslima's page. (See the Kolorful world link.)
A - Accent: Chameleon. From NYC/Portareecan to Dixie to 'Nati to I dunno where.
B - Breast size: Big enough.
C - Chore you hate: Dishes. Organizing anything. Heck, I hate chores period.
D - Dad's name: He's Papa, not Dad, and his mama calls him Irving.
E - Essential make-up: MAC Lifesaver lipstick and sheer foundation.
F - Favorite perfume/cologne: STILA's Jade Flower. Mmmmmm...
H - Hometown: Cincinnati OH by way of TUSKEGEE ALABAMA
I - Insomnia: I'm a night person. I lose sleep when situation I depend on are out of my hands.
J - Job title: Maestra de Ingles Intermedia Transitoria (Intermediate ESL Teacher)
K - Kids: Naw.
L - Living arrangements: Studio that is mine mine mine.
M - Mom's birthplace: New York City, NY (she lived there like a week, folk.)
N - Nastiest injury: Banged my nose and broke it, resulted in a huge clot.
O - Overnight hospital stays: tons when I was a baby... none in the last 10 years.
P - Phobia: being destitute and alone. *shudder*
Q - Favorite Quote: "The worst thing you can say to me is that I haven't changed."-Victoria Stroud
R - Religious affiliation: Muslima by choice
S - Siblings: brother, 2 yrs older, sister 18 mo younger, brother 6 yr younger.
T - Time you wake up? well, around 4 and then maybe at 6.30 again
U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: Yellow like the fall leaves... clown-orange-red... purple... blue...then the blue turned green... yeah, just 'bout everythang.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: none really but please process without pig parts!
W - Worst habit: binging on various things when feeling down. Saying exactly what I think at the wrong time and not saying what I think when I need to do so.
X - X-rays you've had: head, lungs, teeth, both hips, knees
Y - Yummy foods you make: Pulao rice, baked salmon, spinach with garbanzos, steak, habichuelas, fried chicken... if I can't fix it I don't make it.
Z - Zodiac sign: Cancer and all that entails... born smack in the middle of the sign.

My babies is gone

Ah, the ninth grade graduated today. I didn't cry, but the tears were def near the surface. A few of the kids who crossed the stage had passed through my hands: Cesar, Joel Alberto, Hassan. A few more were never actually my students but were ALWAYS hanging around my classroom or just talking with me: Zasha, Ruth, Kiara, Jose Angel, Will, Estheffany. And some didn't make it to the stage: Luigi, Albert, Jose Juan, Willian, Jose Alberto.
Whatever time I had to influence them, to help them grow , I hope I used it well. They're gone. I wish them well.

Felicidades a todos los miembros de la clase de 2005, de la maestra de ingles octavo.

Thursday, May 26, 2005


I'm already sogged out from working two jobs. Oooooweee, I cannot wait until June, when I'll be doing PB full-time only until something better shows up. As a matter of fact, I'm supposed to be getting ready for work now, but y'all know how this goes.

Met up incidentally with the Irish-Rican Bustop Cutie last night, and I have to say this: dude can write some serious stories. Of course, every diamond needs polishing and shaping before it sparkles. Keep it up, you're on the way.

('Course, one or two of those suckas had my eyes buggin out of my head there. WARN somebody when she's about to read those! They deserve an audience. Ok, maybe not. I hope you get what I'm saying, David.)

Still looking at au pair jobs. There's one that looks really promising, it's a Muslim family in Norway. Yes, Norway. What language is spoken in Norway? Wouldn't it be great if I could take care of some great muslim kids and stay in the land of midnight sun (and, alternately, endless night) and come back speaking a whole 'nother language? Hecky yeah. I hope they pick me. But I also hope they can pay me enough to where I can stay. And I hope I get the chance to travel.

Methinks I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm really just forestalling getting ready for work. Three days of cash, but already I'm starting to dread the shifts. There has GOT to be a great-paying job out there that lets me work in what I'm truly interested in; waitressing is the pits.

**Yo, I take back 50% of the bad things I've said about the current president of the USA. He finally got a clue, met with Abbas, and is actually GIVING MONEY TO THE PLA FOR A CHANGE! YES! I don't know what blessing got that to happen but I'm thankful. Ok, TRK, I'm ready to start hearing the not-so-great side of all this. But seriously, for the exective head of this place to realise there's another side to the Israeli conflict is just... refreshing! Ooooooweeee!**

feel peace, feel love.

Saturday, May 21, 2005


I cannot stand not having money.

I know that sometimes I overreact, but when my money starts getting funny, I get frustrated.
Right now, there's a woman asking me for money... I've owed it for a while, but the thing is that not a week goes by that I don't think about it. I know I owe it. Stop asking for it. When I have it, trust me, you'll be the first to know.
I've promised to pay her $20 every couple weeks until I pay it all. This will be money that I will not use to eat. Hmph. Those who know me know that I don't not eat.

Inshallah, I work tomorrow evening. Everybody make dua/pray/send good vibes for Lots and Lots of customers who tip well. And frequent breaks.

This is why I do not borrow money except under extreme duress... look where it gets me.

I'd go dancing, except my foot was operated on recently. I need to feel happier.

Love and peace, love and peace. Pray for me.

**Sherry. Lost your livejournal addy. Please send it to me! Thank you!**

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Oh, yeah...

Subhan'Allah, I found out today that Emory has accepted me into their MPH programs... to my few but loyal readers, please forgive the following gloat.

*accompanied by foolish elbows-akimbo twirking and booty shaking* "Go Me, Go Me, Go Me...accepted into 2 Top Ten Public Health programs! Go me..."

Ok, thanks, got that outta my system. A sista gotta celebrate somewhere. Hmdllah.

JOB SEARCH UPDATE: PB has me online to work tomorrow and sunday nights! WoooHoo! Just when all the wells had dried up. Who says God don't provide?

Now, to figure out how to get my foot operation done as a waitress. I can do this.

smiles and love, people. Feel good. Feel good. Feel loved.


Long blog. Long, long blog.

There was a line in one of my fave bedtime story books that went, "Song, song, long long song. Goodbye Thing, you sing too long." Just for your entertainment. (I think it was Dr. Seuss, but I could be wrong. Points to whomever remembers the author and tells me in comments...)

Anyway, today began last night. And it has been a beautiful day. Just now I got stung by a stray bit of rejection, but nothing I didn't know was coming... which makes all the difference. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Last night I just randomly met up with 3 cool people, and we just up and went and walked around Sta. Rita for a while. Rob lives in my building, and his sister Lorraine was up from good'ole Guayama for a visit. Josè Gabriel, they told me later, was another guy they just randomly met. Why? Well I had just knoshed some food and was winding down with an Anne McCaffery when through the window next to my bed I hear what sounds suspiciously like a parranda. Yummy drums and clave. Sooooothing salsa sounds. Hmmm.

Me being me, and being slightly lonely, and not having danced in 2 weeks, after about an hour of this, I decide to stick my head out the door and find out what exactly is going on. But before I do this, I go ahead and change my shirt from what I was wearing all day to another black tank. So I think I felt like I was going out... if the music panned out and wasn't just a bunch of foolery.

Right as I open the door to step out, I see these three peeps headed toward the gate at the end of the corridor beyond my door.

"Y'all know what's going on?", I ask, which starts this entire dialogue -they don't know what the music and all is about, but they were about to head out to find something to do anyways. Mind you, this is about 10:30, which is late in Teacherlandia but normal for the college crowd in my neighborhood.

"Wanna come? Put on some chancletas, let's go!" says the girl (half an hour later I fidn out her name is Lorraine).

I hem and I haw... I have to get up tomorrow...but the music is still playing. I grab my keys, slip on my black shoes to complete my all-black ensemble, and away we go.

We turn away from the music at first, and head down to Vidy's Cafe, where some people with some truly awful voices are singing karaoke. Woohoo. While we're there though, Jose offers me a drink, I refuse, and we start talking about just getting to know you stuff. Where I'm from, what I do here, am I studying... are they studying, what part of the island everyone else is from, what year everyone is, etc, etc.

Later, we're walking toward La Borinqueña, when I'm drawn (worse than a magnet, y'all) to the unmistakable sounds of Los Renuentes playing in the exhibition patio of la Torre Norte. I talk the group into 'just checking it out for a second', and we stayed until the management kicked the group out officially, then until they finished their set an hour later, then until I'd seen Kabo (yeah, it was great to see him) as we were walking out the door.

Finally, we all troop up to the apartment above mine and chill, me all squooshed up against Lorraine on a mattress on the floor, talking about music and such. Burning incense, joking, laughing, watching while the guys played (really violent) video games. *Sigh* Some of the most relaxing and just plain fun time I've had since I got to portareeco.

Now, I had to type all that before I could really touch on the reason I feel so good. I miss feeling loved, feeling part of a group. Last night I felt like there were other people interested in me for the first time in a long time, and I got to hear some great music and dance, really sweat-out, abandonment-to-the-music dance, which makes me feel carefree.

I miss physically being close to people, but yes, especially men, since I haven't really had that in two years. TWO YEARS.

Can you imagine going two years without being hugged? Now, are you an emotionally expressive and receptive person? Because I am, and the way I feel now compared to the way I felt yesterday... it's like night and day, yo. Even squeezing next to Lorraine on the floor brought on this feeling of relief. And happiness. And since I'm being brutally honest, it felt great to be chilling and dancing and laughing and talking with the guys, completely platonic. (AHEM, chastity police: No.Thing. Happened. At. All.) But realizing that they are guys, and that was part of the fun.

Ok. I'm Muslim, 'mixing' of the sexes is wrong, yes. It's also impossible to avoid, and I have serious trouble WANTING to avoid having fun with men. I suppose that's why reflecting on all this is making me feel... hmm. How do I say this? In my thoughts, I know that what my fun time last night wasn't completely kosher. And being the rule-keeper (and breaker), I know it's gonna catch up to me in some way, even if only the reflection that I'm going through right now.

Still, part of any true feeling of 'comfort' for me is wrapped up in men. I'm used to being around guys, all up in their space, hugging, touching, laughing, breathing the same air as they do. I've got two brothers and a father, not to mention most of my oldest and best friends have a Y chromosome.

I feel so good! AlHamdulIllah!

Yah, so since I didn't leave Rob's apt until like 2:30 , I didn't wake up until Ms. Wolfe called me to say that she'd be arriving late to the school at around 8. Then I had to wait AN HOUR for the bus, at the stop.

Didn't mind though, because for the first time in a week, the sun was shining! The sun is like my personal drug. Going a full week without seeing not one ray was killing my butt. Depression was kicking in something fierce. So even though I was late, the good feelings continued. Ah, sitting in the hot sunshine. (BTW, the sun ended not too long after that, the clouds reinstated their reign, so it's as well I was late or I wouldn't have seen the sun, I'dve been indoors with the kids' grades, grumpy. Funny how that worked out.)

After work today, I went with Miss Wolfe to borders and finished reading Alisa Valdez-Rodriguez's Playing With Boys. I love that Mrs. Valdez-Rodriguez's work. I really enjoy reading her. Her characters speak to me and the situations I find myself facing, every time. Get it, girl! I cannot wait until her next book, even though I understand her second one came out not too long ago. So I left the bookstore feeling great because I finished this awesome book, but also reflecting on the issues presented in the book that I see all over my own life.

Which brings me to the rejection I mentioned a while earlier... indirectly. See, in both of her books, there has been a principal character who gets caught up in some dude, then has her heart broken, but really in part because she builds up nothing into something. Cases of expectations exceeding reality, to get to the quick of it.

I have done that way way way way way WAY too much. I quit. Just now. I keep saying that, but a combo of faith, the novel I was reading, and what a great, honest friend told me earlier has me meaning it for really real.

I'm getting into why. Gimme a sec.

I finished the book and caught the 21 to the train home, and just as I'm walking in front of Las Torres thinking about 1) what a darn good time I had last night, and 2)Mark hasn't called me (he lives in/around la Torre norte), when my eye is caught by this funky looking silver car that pulls up in front of the tower just as I'm passing it on the opposite sidewalk. The car lets someone off.

It's the Irish-Rican Bustop Cutie!

I'd kinda lost track of him, so I cross the street and give'im a hug (there goes that physical contact again) and we start talking about I forget what...lemme see... (anyone else realize that people rarely actually talk coherently in conversations?) The 'where ya been, missed ya' convo turns into us going into whether or not Sex and The City was a feminine or girly or womanish, if you will, show. He says no. I say definitely. We go from that into feminism in general (he's a feminist... I said, "that has not a lot to do with this"), and the article <--- over there in specific. He told me the link to the article isn't working, which reminds me that I have to check it.
Then we start discussing his writing, and he goes upstairs and brings back this whole book of his short stories which I'm going to tear into just as soon as I get done with this LONG BUTT BLOG.

At the end of that convo, though, we get around to... how I'm going to get the book back to him.
"We'll find each other, no worries. We're good at that," David says.
"Yeah... well, Mark has my number. Although I don't think he's gonna use it", I say. I'm looking right at David, he's not looking back.

"Well. No. I don't think he is. I put in the good word for ya, luv, but... well, good friends are honest. I have to be honest with you."

I told him I appreciated his honesty, but went back to my basic philosophy, which is: "well, if I give you my number, and you can't call me in 3 days, then I forget about you". Contrary to Toto's and Miss Wolfe's advice, I pretty much gave up after all.

"Good policy, luv.", he said. Then we did the whole despida thing and I came here to write about it.

Now, I have maintained before that if God really does have someone in store for me, then He isn't gonna have me being distracted 'round here with some sub-quality discount version of his real thing. Which means I have to quit with the games. The man is coming. The man is coming. Mr. TwennyTwo is on his way. The less I look for him the better off I'll be until he appears insha'Allah.

Meanwhile, though, I won't feel guilty about getting my fix the best way I can. I feel good, and I've made a ton of new friends. I can't seem to find any losses on that tally sheet... insha'Allah it'll stay that way!

thanks for reading.


Wednesday, May 18, 2005

What Not To Blog


I was clicking the blogspot 'next blog' button randomly when the above site came up.
Get some damn decency. Geez. I'm disturbed now.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


So. Tried to get a loan on my OWN MONEY which has been stored away in the Teacher's Retirement Fund by the government, gaining lots'n'lotsa interest.

Found out that since I'm a transitory teacher, YESTERDAY was the last day to apply for a loan... until they pay me again... which will probably be in November. Which is why I'm looking for another job. The Dept. of Ed. Suqs a mean lollipop.
President Bush... I hear you on NCLB... But What About The Broke Teachers??!?!?!?!!

aaight, I'm being kicked offa here.

OH. Newsweek. To be burned at stake. You heard it here. There is absolutely NO excuse for publishing an unfounded story about the Qur'an. NONE. May God give every person involved EXACTLY what they deserve. It's contributed to an escalation which isn't over yet...

peace to all...

Oh. Irish-Rican BusStop Cutie: Mark has my number(I swear he really does). Holla at'cha girl!


Sunday, May 15, 2005

Los Renuentes

Ok, es asi.

Estoy pela'. Estoy sola (y sintiendolo... lo que es fuera de lo normal). Y no tengo nada que hacer, y no he hecho nada en todo el fin de semana...

Vamonos a ver Los Renuentes!

Estan tocando en como 15 minutos en el Centro de Bellas Artes.

Ojala' que la entrada es gratis, eso de estar pela' no es un chiste. (!)

A ver si nos vemos alla.

cuidense muuuuucho.


Saturday, May 14, 2005

Thanks, TRK/ TeacherRant

Yo, so I asked a question the other day, 'cuz I didn't know something. Which happens a lot. I'm known in my group of friends for asking about thirty-leven million questions. As a former know-it-all I still want to know everything sometimes.

But you know what? TRK answered the question! THANKS! I 'preciate that!
On another note, I was talking to my Mama this morning (Sardy mornings before 8 you'll get a busy signal, cuz Ahm taw-kin tuh mah MAMA. Do Not Disturb.) and she said what she always says, namely "Write all this down, you could get a great book out of it."

What she was talking about this time? I was doing my TeacherRANT thing about how much I've spent on my classroom this year.
Now, since I've remained pretty much anonymous on here, I feel ok letting people know that I made slightly more than eighteen thousand dollars TOTAL income last year.

Do you know out of that I spent a good $300 from my personal pocketbook on classroom enrichment?
That means posters, books and magazines for the kids to read besides the way-too-advanced English textbook selected by DEPR, plus supplies such as cardboard, scissors, glue, paper, pencils, pencil sharpeners, whiteboard markers, alchohol and whiteboard cleaner for the whiteboard, erasers, chalk, photocopies at expensive-butt CopyMaz when the school copier was broken for FOUR months... that's just to get my classroom to what Miss Wolfe and I feel is a MINIMUM-level of supply and enrichment for the kids to begin taking in the language at more than a theoretical level. That's NOT talking the level the classroom would've reached in my home town.

I could have left the classroom as it was when I arrived, and in fact we didn't buy all of those things at once. But had I not done it, my life would've been a bit harder and the kids would've had to work harder to learn less. Since they're at the age and in a culture where learning isn't all that emphasised, we felt it had to be done.
Now, while I wouldn't take back any of those purchases, it GALLED me at the time and still does in fact that I had to spend $300 out of my own blasted pocket when that's almost twenty percent of my pre-tax income!

Dear President Bush: You and yo wifey are worried 'bout no chi'rens being left behind. I understand this. This is commendable on your affluent white protestant parts.
However, I am going to take this opportunity to direct your attention to the TEACHERS of the chi'rens whose behinds are not to be left.
We're already broke, and going through all the training you require, plus outfitting our classrooms in a timely manner means that we are stressed out and beside (as well as behind) our ownselves.
I SWEAR, if you could just do that one little thing, you'd see education all over the country improve 300%. Don't believe me? Think of this: The average private-school teacher gets paid LESS than the public school teacher on the island of Puerto Rico. However, the students from the private schools learn at a faster, more competitive rate. Why?

It's as simple as that. ALL schoolkids here wear uniforms, many of the private schoolkids get scholarships, so don't tell me it's about parents' level of cash. It ain't. It's about the government being so darned bureaucratically slow.

Urban Public Intermediate Schoolteacher

And since I actually had to pay la isla del espanto $233 in taxes this year, you can imagine just how prendida (on fire or hot) I am. I love living here but not that much.

Turns out, that this coming Monday Miss Wolfe and I get to go spend $400 each at teaching supply stores all over the island. This makes me feel slightly better, but still furious. What the heck did the guy teaching before me spend his cash on?

Not dictionaries. I supplied my own.
Not school supplies. Those were bought or donated.
Not teaching games. The few we used we made up or didn't require boards.

Dude ran off with the money free as a bird.

That's aiight though. I'll sleep on Sunday evening with visions of the Oxford SpanishEnglish Dictionary dancing in my head, paired with highlighters, and neon-colored paper, and scissors and rulers and whiteboard markers.

Better than Christmas. Better than Eid, even.

ttyl, I gotta get out of this lab.

Oh, before I go, check out the below. They describe me pretty well, even though I am really an ENTJ. Guess they didn't steal that part from Kinsey.

love yall!

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #2 Match: INTP

The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.
Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.
Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.
A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

A murderer dead

Wow, my posts are getting more and more depressing.

But anyway. Such is life.

The other day my father sent me this news story with the headline, "The Death of the Man Who Killed My Sister Melodie".

My Tee Mel was killed back in 1984 when I was a wee one. She was shot, a reason why I don't like guns, and then left to die. She left my three cousins, who really have never been the same. One has seven kids, another has four, and one has none. Both of those with kids named their girls Melodie. She was a big part of their lives even when she was gone.

AlHamdulIllah, her killer will now face God's justice.


Job Search UPDATE: Promising leads at The Seed School, in Washington DC. Thanks to Mika for turning me onto the lead!

I'll catch y'all later.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Killed, I can't believe it.

I heard from Abeer today. I was so happy to hear her voice! I haven't spoken to her in quite some time, especially since I left Guayama and haven't had a car since.

Abeer is my first muslima friend here (really 'bout the only one), and when I first met her and her family, it was Ramadhan of 2003 (1460 for you exact people. I think.) and she had invited me to her house a week before Thanksgiving. There I met her 3 INQUISITIVE kids, her silent husband, and her uncle, who we called Tio being that we live in Portareeco.

Well, this morning, after she woke me up with a hilarious hatian-accented english joke (she's Palestinian), Abeer finally, softly asked me if I remembered Tio.

"Of course I do!", I exclaimed. " With his mustache and his spanish-arabic and his big baggy pants. He gave me money when I needed to visit my parents, remember?" She did. I was so lonely I charged a ticket to Tuskegee on my credit card, but still needed cash for the fare to San Juan. "And he hooked me up with that horrible guy when you told him to get me a husband!" (That guy was awful, but at least SOMEbody was hookin a sistah up. Abeer and I still drag his memory about when we get on the subject of the Nonexistent Good Muslims On This Island.)

"Pues...", Abeer starts slowly, "Esta muerto. Lo asaltaron como hace 40 dias."
He's dead, she told me, he was killed about 40 days ago.

I was speechless, which don't happen.

Apparently, Tio, this like 60 year old guy with a huge mustache and baggy, belted khakis, was accosted by 3 men in Yauco, where he stayed here on the island with Abeer's cousin Tajani and her husband Karim and their 2 kids. No apparent reason, since none of the merch he had with him, apparently, was stolen.
He was shot in the head. Just like my Uncle Walter. Wow. My hand creeps to cover my mouth even now, hours later.

Dead, just like that. I cannot believe it. I cried.

Ya Rabb! Grant Tio a place at your sight and rewards for his virtue. Ya Rabb! Comfort his wife and his young children and those of us who grieve needlessly in this dunya. Ya Rabb! We trust in Your will that the murderers will be brought for Your justice in this world and the next. Amin.



So I was surfing the 'net after writing that, and found this test, which is so off that I burst out laughing. I'm just barely right handed and strongly auditory (always a song in my head, can deal with noise, etc. etc.) You can find the test here. Wait, lost the link. Will put it up tomorrow.


TwennyTwo, you are strongly left-hemisphere dominant and show somewhat of a preference for visual learning, a positive combination of styles.

Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that you are strongly organized, logical and detail-oriented. Visual preference indicates that you learn in an active, simultaneous multidimensional fashion.

With this pattern you would likely be good in fields such as engineering, architecture, drafting, computer graphics and the like. It is likely that you will find situations which demand auditory processing somewhat frustrating unless you can impose your own structures and categories while processing it.

Another possible barrier to using your talents to the fullest may be the excess attention that you can tend to give details in your day-to- day operations and learning. You can acknowledge the existence of "the bigger picture" but concentrate on the details and expect that the picture will emerge from the details themselves.

You strive towards goals and this, coupled with the active nature of your learning preference, creates a sense of you being "driven." Your tolerance of ambiguity is, at times, in conflict with your preference for the straight path and directness in everything. You tend to be as impatient with yourself as you are with others.

You have enough auditory learning capability to somewhat balance your more natural chaotic learning style. It is likely that you "slide into" the more sequential auditory learning mode when you get frustrated with the amount of input to be processed.

You are somewhat likely to be driven and distracted, but you have some capability for articulating and visualizing goals, which helps to reduce frustration. You can listen to others, but not without occasional agitation. There are times when your left hemisphere cannot categorize your learnings and place them in context, because that is the domain of the right hemisphere.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Happy Mother's Day

... to my Mama, Grandma, Aunts (too many to do individually), and SistahFriends!

Had a productive day. Did lots of thinking.

By the way, for those who didn't know, I'm looking for au pair jobs in the NYC/OH/anywhere but here areas. If you read this and need an au pair, email me!
On another tip, I was looking at the Israel area on this website, found a bunch of peeps who need an au pair, but don't know what's a good place. TRK, BAD, if y'all read this, I'm talking to you! Give me tips, pretty pretty please wit cherries on top.

So yes, still looking for a job.

Hey, go check out this page. It belongs to Avatar, a modern and very funny woman whose ENTIRE ARTISTIC SWING is tryna be jacked by some chick who has the nerve to call herself a class act. Absolutely outrageous.

I think this place is closed tomorrow on account of mom day, so I might have to see yall tomorrow.


Friday, May 06, 2005


Spoken like a true teacher.

Some of you will notice I've posted an article (actually a speech) at the top of my links over <-- there.

Please read it!!! Then discuss in comments.

I have to say that I was nodding my head all the way through to the end, even through the question and answer period. The woman is speaking to me. I'd have no problem having my 5 kids now (see below) and THEN being an obstetrician with the help, again, of a great man.

The problems with that are all talked about in the article.

I mean it! I want discussion! Tell me what y'all think!

peace and love

Happy 'Educator's Day!'

Feliz Dia De Maestros!

Felicitame, soy maestra! Y en este paiz, donde no nos paga pero nada de nada, y tengo que soportar los mismos consentidos que sus padres les mande a escuela por falta de soportarlos,y tengo que soportar el maltrato del mismo gobierno que me emplee, pues, lo merezco! Y ya no me da verguenza en decirtelo, porque si no lo digo nadie lo sepa. Gracias.

I got up ready to spend the day on myself... and I have, but I've also spent it in front of a computer screen. Bad, huh? I'll get into why in a sec.

By the way, before I do anything else, I'm so enjoying reading and re-reading UmmZakiya's blog (this is a link, y'all) this week, masha'Allah. Even though it's supposed to be something about parenting, I find a lot of what she says applies to me as a young, solo Muslima. Like the whole debate on starting a family early... and whether or not to go to undergrad...( I fought with my father about undergrad...wait, I'm still fighting with him about it. Why? B/c my stated goal on entering GWU was getting my bachelor's, finding a nice God-loving man, marrying said man, and having 5 kids. He was terrified. Then, he wanted me to take a great-paying (read: boring and unfulfilling) job, while I hared of to portareeco to be a teacher and then to NYC to go to an even more expensive grad school on the way to being a midwife so that me and the aforementioned great guy can sire those 5 kids and i can still be profitably and knowledgeably employed. Geesh. Why are my parenthesis getting so long?).. and philosophy-turned-practice on not hitting and watching your words and what you say insha'Allah. Great site. Check it out.

Now that I'm sure I've scared every eligible ( and probably non-worthy if scared) man within 50 miles of this blog, saludos a David, thanks for your comments, I'm absolutely mortified to find that Mark is your mate. Great. See, this is why I didn't want to do a blog and put myself out there.

Now that I have, put in a good word for a sistah, please. Thanks, luv. Good luck with the writing, I hope to read more in the future.

Ok, so what have I been doing all day? Hovering between agonizing and hope. Yup, lots of prayer in there too.

I'll get back to yall on this... I've been at the screen a while.


Wednesday, May 04, 2005

"I got things on my mind..."

..."I'm not to busy for ya... Never too busy..."
(brownie points for the person who can tell me who sang that song, its going through my head like mad.)

Well oh well, things are on my mind today.

When I walked into the school office today, I did a little dance. "It's Maaay! It's Mayyy! Estamos en Mayyyoooo! Ya mismo se termina!" I musta looked more than my usual nuts but alhamdulIllah I am SO happy that I survived this year. Not only survived, but did... ok, not well. I did good. (English teachers, ignore the incorrect grammar, thanks.)

Miss Wolfe and I and one of the other eighth grade teachers gave out certificados today. And the kids voted for best teacher in their math teacher's class. Wow. One more milestone done. I think it was the best one.

I have to tell you, we went through some work to give those kids those things, but they made almost all of the BS for the year worth it. They wanted to act all hard, but their faces just lit when we presented the awards. Several times I really was holding back tears, which does not happen. I just *sniff* got so...*sigh sigh* emotional. They deserved every award they got.

Turned out that I left the (really cool, plasticized, durable) dictionaries that we presented to the top 4 students at home in order to get to the bus on time. (Note: still missed said bus when it flew by without so much as tapping the brakes. Bummed a ride in a cab with Casado. Shame on me.) Why dictionaries? The Spanish-English dictionary that the kids use as the common reference in my classroom is one I won in highschool from the AATSP So, at midday I grab a guagua chiquita to my house instead of eating (I had no food anyhow). Miss Wolfe picks me up in front of ocho de blanco, and we speed back to the school, where we frantically inscribed them with names, messages, and dates, got Missy Vargas' help in wrapping them, and then walked back to my classroom to present. So worth not eating to see the looks in their eyes.

So...even though they may never see this... I'm sending CONGRATS and GOOD WORK TO:

Josue Jones Jackson and Yashira Rodriguez Marquez
Most Improved Overall English 2004-2005 E.L.A.

Sasha Ortiz Quinones and Cesar Santiago SantanaMost Outstanding Student English 2004-2005 E.L.A.

Su maestra les saluda y les felicita en todos sus exitos. Adelante!

We took pics with most of the students when they got their certificates...I don't know if I'll post here though since I covered my hair as always but still wasn't dressed as I should have been (read: Islamically). Thems the breaks.

Onnnnnn another note, I was sad today when I was giving out certificates and realized that my student, Joy, wasn't there. (Joy is not her real name.)
Turns out that the week after she fell out with what turned out to be low blood sugar on top of an asthma attack, she left a suicide note lying around in her house. Which apparently was the reason she didn't want us to call her parent (her aunt actually, I guess her mother can't be bothered) when she had the asthma attack- she wanted to die. No chance- not with a homeroom teacher who's a paramedic...
but I did refer her to the school social worker who then rapidly convened her aunt and mother after they told her about the note they'd found.

Long story short, she's been committed for at least 2 weeks.

So I'm making dua (that's praying to all you non-arab-speaking peeps) for this child, because in the time I've known her she's been so sweet,so patient, so lively, I hate to think that at her age the world has no hope and motivation for her. Insha'Allah she will be back in touch with us soon, a changed and healing person. A touch of sadness with the joy of the day.

JOB SEARCH UPDATE: Still nothing (what, were you excited?)!

Yo yo yo Book To Check Out:
Sometimes Rythym, Sometimes Blues by Tigli Smith.

I walked into the "Black Interest" in the very back corner of the bottom floor of the San Juan Borders (distinguished 'cuz there is now one in Mayaguez, btw), saw this on display, flipped through it...

...and three hours later got up after finishing it. I read fast and well.
I'm pushing this book for anyone Black (or anyone who loves someone who is Black) in America. It's NOT just your normal whining about the 'shortage' of Black men or how Black women need to change. It's a lot of young writers giving solutions and different points of view on the complexities that are living and loving as black people in the USA in the times of changing expectations and status. AWESOME book. One of the best I have read in the long time. Once I get me a job Ima go back and actually buy the joint. That's how much I liked it. (I'm broke, forgive me.)

What else? Ahhh yes.

Shouts to Sherry and Nene and Anita. I keep getting cut off on the phone with you. I miss yall and I'll talk to you again soon.

MARK: I met this awesome guy named Mark twice in the last couple months. First while waiting for an extremely late bus, the other while listening to the Renuentes reciting and jamming on the side of Las Torres dorm... I keep thinking about him. I've only met the guy twice! Wassup with that!? Hmmph. Insha'Allah I'll either forget about him (ala Bilal and Alej) or I'll see him more often. It's not deep enough to make istikhara over.

Y'all pray for me to get a job or find a way to stretch my current resources. It's gettin' heavy 'roun heah.

love and peace

Monday, May 02, 2005



Today was the kind of day I wish I could take back with me when I have to return to the frosty forty-eight. Breezy, sunny, warm but not hot, and not too humid. It was the kinda day where you take a blanket and read a good book companionably or by yourself and feel perfectly content.

Alas, I didn't go straight to my dark apt after work, but I did make a few phone calls. See, last night (after I posted) I called my mama and just talked myself out until I came to a resolution about CU.

The thing is, I don't really want to do Public Health. PH is NOT my end-goal. I want to be a certified nurse-midwife, operating an educational/health/legal aid clinic in an urban area.

So to do that, I really need to be looking at programs that offer the accelerated BA/CNM degree. NOT pubHealth.

What made it so hard to make that decision?

I really just had to get to the point where I ignored all my fronts and got in touch with what my guts (and God ) were telling me. And all of the above have been telling me for quite some time that I need to be an obstetrician.

Being that I am terrified of sixyearsofmedskoolwithnobreak, I turn to the option of being a CNM, which serves women but doesn't involve the crazy training.

(Knowing myself, I'll end up going to medskool when I'm 40 cuz i'm silly like that.)

Plus, seriously, actually getting into CU was a big status thing for me. It's a crazy good school. It has an internationally known name. So at a time when I'm feeling not's'great about myself, just being able to say that i got in was and is a HUGE THRILL!!!
My high has come down. Yes, whatever I study I want to go to the best school possible, but I'm not the same person I was when I accepted entry into undergrad. I'm no longer sev'nteen, i'm twennythree, and I literally canNOT live with myself when I settle for less that what I want. My subconscious makes me feel horrible.

But okay, so now that I know that CU costs soooo much, and I know how I am about being in debt (it is the major reason my shoulders and brows are permanently knotted, see earlier entries for details), I can't afford to do it just as a stepping stone into nursing/medskool.

So I called and asked about CU's direct entry program. Turns out I need to have already taken:
NATFIZZ (anatomy and physiology), Stat, psychology, english (no problem!), 6 humanities credits, MICROBIO, 9 natural science credits...

Oregon Health Sciences University wants much the same. and Georgetown wants MORE. WHat the heck is up?!

SO. That's a lotta work t'do. That also my main issue right now. I've got a lot of the credits I need, but to finish the rest is almost full-time work. I don't have the time or the cash to spend a year studying.

Even if I apply to a less-rigorous program, there goes my plan to be in grad school this fall. I don't know if I can withstand another year of teaching on this island... y'all don't EVEN know.

So. The question of the day is what to do with this coming school year.

I could look for another job, which I'm already doing.

I could stay on as a teacher in PRPS. Hmm. See below entries.

I could go stay with my parents. (if crippled and absolutely unable to care for myself, otherwise, NOT).

I guess I'm sulking because I really am/was looking forward to living in NYC. I mean, it has a GREAT religious community, something I'm missing right now, along with the social contact that comes with (though I miss Sisters' Halakah, I'm also realistically thinking of the many, many, many men to choose from). There's always something to do. Spanish is spoken. The library system is out of this world.

Yes it's cold, yes life can be hard, but I kinda feel like Feivel's family. There are no cats in America, specially not in NYC. I don't think I can do another year in portareeco without spending some significant time away, because right now I'm drifiting. I've got twennysomethin syndrome: there's no place that feels like home.

ANy suggestions?

Sunday, May 01, 2005


Happy May.

I got like 2 minutes.

1) If there are any Muslims out there in NYC who would take pity on poor converted me and let me live with them while I'm studying for a graduate degree (in the interest of saving said students from the evil that is post-grad-school loan RIBA) PLEASE EMAIL ME!!!!

2) If we need education to get some money and therefore get ahead, then why does it cost so much?

3) Why do people not realize that some of the highest paid workers in the nation have no higher ed degrees at all? Why do I want to be a midwife? Ah, me.

Whine. Whine. Whine.

It's been a long weekend. I'm back to school tomorrow, yay.