For all this whine, of course.
I don't want anyone to be worried, or anything. I'm here, I'm alive, physically well (and for those who are with me, I've lost 5 more lbs! Yay! Bad news: it's because I'm not eating much, I'm stressed out. But it's 5 lbs, which for me isn't all that much...).
The time between my last post and now has been some of the most emotionally and financially hard time I have ever. Ever. been through. I think only my first week in the house in Puerto Rico tops it. I went to see my Grandma and the rest of my families in the South a couple weeks ago. My father's family made me relax. Unfortunately I saw my mother's family last and left that house for Atlanta crying unconsolably. I hate that I feel like I can't talk to a lot of people in my family. My grandmother is not doing well and that's putting it diplomatically. I'd love to be able to help, but I've been told in so many words that that is NOT what is wanted. Gee, thanks. And I don't want to get into it in any more detail. The internet can be the village square when people know you. Anyone know of a good counselor here in the "urrea"?
The weeks since have been pretty bad as well, my roomates are fighting, alternately slamming things, screaming at each other, and talking isht about the situation. I came home one night to find a note on my front door letting the world know exactly what was going on in the house. That wasn't the intention of my roomie who left the note, just as the person who cursed and slammed out the door wasn't caring about the reaction of our other roomie, but it makes for nice amounts of tension. There was a point when I felt I had no peace, anywhere.
And my job? I've been so off-balance elsewhere that it's affecting my work. I had a director pull me into her office and read me the riot act with the door open, thus ensuring that the ENTIRE office heard every. word. Then, this week, after working hard to redeem myself, and "ensuring" that I'd get to a crucial course I was to teach early by leaving my house an hour and 15 minutes early, I STILL ARRIVED 20 MINUTES LATE thereby starting on a horrible note and later finding that the instructor whose class I was covering, the one who said everything I needed was in the box? Lied, everything wasn't in the box, and of course since I hadn't checked the box thouroughly enough, it was my fault.
Alllllll Myyyyyy FAUUUUULT.
I keep asking God what I am doing wrong, here. I know up in my head somewhere life isn't supposed to be easy but daggone!
And. Last night, I went to this public event with a bunch of friends. Two of those friends began to PICK ON MY CLOTHES (those who've been around enough KNOW my clothing situation) and I totally blew up at them. I maintain they deserved to know that mess wasn't acceptable, but I blew it out of proportion because one of them was the invatuation I was talking about earlier. Hmm.
So. That's Home, Work, Family, and Friends. God is going great here. Make du'a for me in everything.
Thanks, peace, and love