Sunday, April 24, 2005

lessons of the greek wannabe.

Well, since I know now that I'll be at CU this fall, I went and checked out (again) the website of a sorority I admire, an admirable organization made of phenomenal women. I believe in this group so much that I helped in some small way to bring it to the campus of my alma mater. I hope to be allowed to join them, perhaps while I'm in NYC. Life being as it is, tis never a sure thing. But it is something I really want.

Why? Well, I had "shopped" for a sorority that I would be happy to join, one that reflected not only my potential but also success in the present. An organization of outstanding but human women working to make the world around them shine. I wanted to see an org that wasn't about just hazing and college, but about continuing community service after academic life moved into the professional. These women... well, when I let them know I was interested, they immediately invited me to a weekend I'll never forget, one where I felt completely welcome. I began to identify with them as I got to know them over the two years that followed. Even if I never pledge, I'll hold the women I know in esteem because I understand that they are united for a purpose I believe in and share.

Thinking of sororities makes me reflect on the unity that is within the greek community. My maternal aunts,grandmother and grandfather are greek; my sister pledged a non-greek org, after my experiences in college. I knew before I even thought about colleges that pledging was something I was going to consider, because of the connections and the bonds that I saw all around me. My mama still talks about pledging, and my papa still teases her. I think he's a big part of the reasons why she hasn't pledged yet.

So I have to make my peace with the fact that I was hurt by people in a greek organization akin to the one I want to pledge. The pain of what happened (don't ask, I'm not tellin') made me bitter for a time against the entire organization, made me understand why some people absolutely can't stand the idea of GO's, etc. I got really negative on the whole idea. And that's not me (those who know me... know I'm always smiling, never defeated, evah evah evah). I became, after associating with certain people, exactly what I would never want to be. And it hurt to realize that.

I'm tired of blaming and of hating a whole group just for the actions of a few. So I'm forgiving.

I promise myself I won't cringe or make a face at mention of this nameless org. I promise not to judge all the upstanding women by the actions of the ones who made decisions at that time. I promise not to hold the hurt against the org I do wish to join. And I ask myself not to let the past poison a promising present.

And I'm moving on no matter if the future holds greek membership for me or not. It's taken 4 years to get to this point, I'm not proud to say, but I'm stepping on.

That's the biggest lesson I've learned from wanting to be greek.

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