Upset

peace, y'all.


a hug and a welcome to my sister, Toto. I've invited her to my blog for the first time. All I ask is that you keep me anonymous.

Yeah, so I'm upset. Really upset.

Between yesterday and today, this is what went down:

1)Nishat called, and we talked. About a coupla things. Most important to this blog entry is that we talked about when we're gonna see each other. This made me happy, but it also made me seriously think about the fact that it probably won't happen soon.

2) Right (I do mean right) after I got off the phone with Nishat, my aunt came downstairs. She asked me if I had spoken with my father. I told her I had not. (That is not unusual.) She proceeded to let me know that my mother was in the hospital, and that she would probably have a surgical procedure done on Monday. In there somewhere she told me that she had heard this from my grandmother, and she asked me to hold back on letting my sister know.

3) I finished a letter I was in the process of writing to Nishat, and then texted my sister. She had no idea what was going on, but incidentally, she knew more about my mother's medical condition than I did (I'm the oldest). She just didn't know how serious it all was. So. She proceeded to call our father on 3-way. We left a message asking him to call us.

4) After trying to chill out I went to bed really really late (this all happened after midnight, as far as I could tell), and thus did not get up for suhoor, even though Nishat did call me as I asked. I was just exhausted.

5)I woke up really late, and called my sister first thing. She said that my mother had called her, and that Mama said she wasn't going to have the procedure done until December. That makes me happy b/c at least it's not such that she had to have it immediately. On the other hand, Mama does want her back in December. So then I called my mother, and since they were discharging her, rang off. Haven't heard from her since. Still haven't heard anything from my father.

6) Went upstairs to find some clothing my aunt's housekeeper left there, and proceeded to have an hour-long convo with her. She was upset that I had told my sister what was going on, in that she feels that I betrayed her confidence (that I did expect) but also with 'the way I've been acting', specifically that I'm not telling her my plans for a job, that I'm not letting her know about my islamic practices, that I'm not talking to her about how I'm going to kick in to the household (we've actually already had that convo; she's upset b/c she approached me about it and not the other way round), that essentially I'm not acting very adult. This is where I feel I have to explain much of what I've been doing for the PAST SIX YEARS and begin to cry (see the meme below).

7) I washed my face in cold water, finished getting dressed and left the house. In the middle of me walking out, Nishat called. I told him I was upset, but had to reassure him that it wasn't about him; then, because I was in the basement of the house, asked him to call me back in 5 minutes, since I can't call him. That was 'bout 20 mins ago. I'm writing this from the library.

Yeah, so I'm upset.

More in a minute.