Yeah, so Umm Zaid got me thinking as usual, with one lil word this time... "howzit"
... and after some thought my answer is 'sucky'.
I'm persevering. Through the various challenges- some I've described, most I have not.
Know what? I've figured out that part of the whole 'I want to be (not get, mind you, be) married now' issue for me derives from the fact that I feel slightly illegitimate as an unmarried woman convert to Islam. Especially during the Ramadans that have passed after I left undergrad.
I think that's prolly because I see (unconsciously, really) that marriage, in Islam, helps bolster the family and community ties; if you aren't married and your family isn't Muslim and ain't supportin' that, the door to praying in unison is more closed than open as a woman. Celebrating iftar by yourself is the norm. Add to that a lack of transportation so as to GET to where everyone else is, and it's no wonder I feel the way I do.
But as I said, I'm persevering, even though I know that my spiritual development isn't progressing the way I'd like or the way it should. I can't take Qur'anic arabic classes. But I'm reading the Qur'an at home in my room. I feel uncomfortable praying in front of my family. But I make sure that by the end of the daily fast I've performed all the prayers but Isha. I don't have the audiolectures and music (Our World, anyone?) that I would like to play during Ramadan. But I'm avoiding 'worldly' music for Ramadhan (this is a HUGE sacrifice for me).
So I'm goin.
I just wish I had a way to share Iftars with more people. I'm working on it.