For reference, she starts with her take on the movie "Wedding Crashers", which came out this past summer.
" ...The crashers seduced their way through every culture and every ethnicity but mine. Why don't Owen and Vince want to seduce me, too?
...Please don't misunderstand. I hate those Negroes who would bean count for black faces in Antarctica so they can get airtime whining about "the lack of diversity" blah blah. Start a school! Take in some foster kids! Run for office!...
...I'm talking about something that grieves black women, that breaks our hearts so much I have never had a conversation with another black woman about it....Our hearts are broken because we are unloved. More than that: Black women are unlovable, or so the world tells us every day. Most often, it's a sucker punch.
...I was usually the only woman and only black around. I'd say nothing as my office mates, the men I partied with and who backed me to the hilt professionally, would grouse about the lack of women. I was smarter and better-looking than they were....When I finally married at 40, it was to the first man who'd asked me out in five years. I had been holding out for a brother but, realizing that was even less likely to happen, finally let that go.
...I'm 46 now and far less full of bullshit. I'm not angry. I'm hurt. It's not that I want white men to want me. I want all men to want me. I want to be seen as desirable, if I actually am. As available, if I actually am. As fuckable, though you should be so lucky. But, because I'm black, I'm somehow seen as a gender crasher, an imposter fronting as a real woman. Liable to get the sexual bum's rush at any moment. No wonder so many of us are bitches. It protects us from rejection if we make it impossible to get anywhere near us in the first place.
A basically sweet, silly movie has me, late in life, reconsidering my impatience with nitnoy black separatism -- black dorms, Miss Black America pageants, "The Wiz." I still believe that true separatism is not a viable option for a group comprising only 13 percent of the population, but perhaps a psychological one may well be required to maintain our mental health. "
She isn't lying.
Dickerson put her finger on something I've observed for a while since beginning my life in Black womanhood. As a Black woman in the USA, my sexuality is either hypersensualized, or ignored. Either/or. And, when searching for a way around the hurt that entails, my options were, either cut back my options to black men, (even though black men, IMHO, do NOT feel that kind of pressure, by the way) and forget about those who are 'other', or act in ways that would subtly negate the effect of my race and ethnicity on men's perception of me as a woman. Thereby denying myself one crucial part of my way of being in order to (maybe) satisfy another.
This just isn't a satisfactory way to live. And why I said so many times as a teenager that I was moving OUT of the US when I got grown. Until Dickerson articulated it the way she did it didn't occur to me that not only is this phenomenon REAL but it AFFECTS me and the way I think, and so often, the way I act. Just as my actions can't be separated from the context- the
reason why I perform them, the way I move in the world can't be separated from context either- which is the state of my being in the world.
I don't think I ever will accept anyone saying that 'they don't see my race' if they were raised in the United States, because I know that's baloney. By virtue of the fact that I was born in this country, Black and female, My entire life is a kaleidoscope of reasons why that is not and cannot be so.
Now that I know the issue, though, I see its scope. How on EARTH can I help my country move toward a place where my daughters can breathe free, without ever feeling a need to be included, based on their automatic exclusion? Dr. King gave his famous speech wishing his children could do the same, and yet, almost fifty years later, the key parts of the dream haven't even been addressed!
I felt philosophical. Holla if ya hear me.