Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Let me be (ambiguously) clear.


Let me be clear.  I love you!

You're awesome!  My confidant, my a.b.c.  It seems hard to remember a time without you in my life.

You know stuff.  I can call you and you help me through my issues. And I've helped you through yours.
Plus I just like you.  We share a lot: taste in music and in books.  We love to eat and to chill outside.  We love people and have so much compassion to share with the world.

Yet I'm uncomfortable around you sometimes.  Because we're so close, I don't like that- I don't like the reasons behind the ill-at-ease feeling I have around you.  Sometimes.   You drink.  You dress revealingly.  You drive around for the heck of it.  You have sex with random people.  You question the proof of the existence of the One.  

And you respect my boundaries.  

I respect you and though I advise you against doing things I feel are wrong, I don't judge you if you do them.

I'm beginning to understand what's meant when I hear, "There's right and then there's right." .  You're a bigole fat yummy tempation to the type of life I used to live.  To pleasure and ...worldliness.   I know I live in this world.  You're just a reminder that happens to be magnetic, pulling me where my head doesn't want to be but my self enjoyed fully.

To separate myself from you is to rip the fabric of my life apart.  I just don't want to do it.  God knows.   What that would do to me- I'd be a different person entirely.  I'm not saying the joy would leave my life.  But the taste of it wouldn't be as rich.  The experiences I have to guide me to what's right by comparison wouldn't be as strong.  

But I love you.  

I just wanted to let you know that this is on my mind.


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