Monday, November 13, 2006

fat / back


I am fat.

I hate being fat.

I was losing the fat.

I felt good (as early as this morning, y'all).

Then, I let it slide- and a friend of mine who refuses to believe how much I hate pictures of myself and so and KEEPS TAKING THEM did her worst and EMAILED them to me.

I wanted to lose all sense of God, y'all. I reeeeeeallllly did. I wanted to not compliment her on the nice pictures she did take in favor of lambasting her with, "Do you hate me? You MUST HATE ME with a fury you reserve for your worst enemies, because look! you have sent me Photographs! of Myself! Full-Length! And FAT! YOU ARE SHOWING THAT YOU HATE ME!! YOU PASSIVE AGRESSIVE WOMAN,YOU! Do you want me to start crying and moping again? Don't you know I HATE PICTURES OF MYSELF and plus LOOK I'M GETTING FAT AGAIN? AHHHHHGGGHGHGHGHGGHGHHHHH!!!???!!!"

I have done none of that last. You should be proud.

I let Someone turn that emotion into something more positive.

I know that the only way to get the body I had when I was 18 and on the crew team is to act as if I were 18 and on the crew team again, PLUS eat the calories of a 25-year old woman (which I am) during Ramadan (which is isn't, anymore). That's the ONLY WAY the extra XX lbs I'm carrying will come off.

The hardest part of all of that is controlling what I eat. This is why Ramadan is great for me. My lack of willpower becomes something I strengthen for the sake of God. I just need to extend that into the rest of the year. I can't be eating like this anymore.

But that's not all.

My problem isn't so much (it is but not so much) that I eat too much, it's that I sit at a desk all day and my body Lurrrves the pounds I can put on then. I'm a little fat storing machine. None of the fat goes where I want it, either.



*From now on I will go to the gym at least once a day. Everyday that it's open and not an Islamic holiday. EVERY DAY, for at least half an hour. An hour is optimal, but if there's any way to fit in even 20 minutes I MUST go.
*I will say a prayer over every. single. thing that goes in my mouth. Everything. This will make sure that I "realize" that I'm eating it, and stop me if I'm eating it unnecessarily.
*I will stop eating when I'm no longer hungry, and literally put the food out of my reach. If I want leftovers for lunch, I'll fix them at the same time I fix my supper plate. No more eating because it's accessible.

I'm sick and tired of being fat and I'm not taking it anymore.



  1. Good girl! I'm working on the weight thing too so anytime you need a little extra motivation...just let me know. I gain weight just by looking at food so it's been a struggle most of my life. Alhamdulillah, the way I gain weight, I keep an hourglass shape (including a flat tummy) and I'm tall. Thank God for small favors.

    I don't have a gym in NC yet (I miss WSC) so I work out at home. Workout videos are awesome! The key is to stick with it and do it even when you don't want to. I hate working out on weekends but if I miss a day during the week, I work out on the weekend. I've got to fit it in whenever I can.

    Other than that, I don't worry about it as long as I'm healthy. I'm never going to be thin and I stopped caring about it years ago. Why should I? You don't have to be thin to look good and I look great ;)!

    Best of luck!

  2. be strong, healthy and if you want, thinner. The not eating after being full is excellent for everyone. And I gotta say some of that GD diet I did was very good for me ... oh, she's cryin' gotta go

  3. peace,

    Yes, Koonj, the GD diet is gonna be my way to go. That, and actually treating what I think is PCOS. I miss green foods and so Ima find a way to get them back into my diet, hook or crook. I've GOT to be thinner, this has turned into a complex where I hate pictures of myself. They don't reflect the 'me' I know I should be in my head.

    SingleMuslimah, mashaALLAH for the blessing in the way you gain wait. I get a huge, jiggly, overspilling belly that makes me wish girdles and bustiers were everyday wear. Or makes me want to make them so. Even though I'm very tall with long legs. You know how that looks with a jiggly belly? Ugh.

    LOL so yes, today is the first day of the "No More Fat" plan. Thanks for your encouragement, it'll help me to keep y'all updated so I'll stay on it.


  4. Hi, my name is Hijabi and I love food! (group chimes in Hi Hijabi!) LOL!

    Can I join you in your No More Fat plan? Alhamdulillah I lost some weight before Ramadan (about 6 lbs) and during Ramadan I lost about 10 more lbs. I really want to lose alot more just for health purposes; I am borderline diabetic.

    So I'll be checking back here for updates!

    ma'a salaamah,


  5. You can do it! :) I feel the same way though. My hubby's fam was coming for Tday and I felt so stressed because I have gained weight. And I feel like I know what they are thinking. I see the pics and I feel so bad. :( I know how y ou feel. I hope that we both can work on it.

  6. We can do it! We can do it!

    Keep going- I've been sticking to my gym promise and it helps if only to help with the feeling of accomplishment.

    We all need encouragement sometimes so here's my THANKS LADIES for the encouragement. I'm sending some right back at you all.