Things you don't say aloud

assalamu alaikum,

Sometimes I'm really constrained by the fact that people I know read this. Sometimes I don't care.

But a lot of times what I say here is what I wouldn't say aloud.

I knew Sunny was getting married. Turns out he's marrying the head of the Catty Crew.


BOOYAH, ya NAFS!!! Just when you thought you were SOMETHING SPECIAL!!


No, those feelings don't get any easier to handle as I get older, but my game face does.


Dag, the worst part is that since Catty1 will be May's SIL I can't even confide how much Catty1 gets on my nerves. Well, I guess this IS going to drive me toward better habits. Back to Allah. Silver linings everywhere.

I had 3 different sets of friends either get married or get engaged this week. I wish them all the best of blessings and happiness, in all sincerity. I just as sincerely wish I didn't know anything about all this wedded bliss. My game face is getting a heckuva workout.

And now I'm off to soak my jainamaz pray.

peace

Mrs. Moore- and making it to Spring Break

assalamu alaikum,

Ohmagosh. Y'all, finally arriving at Spring Break was like making it to the end of a long hard workout that you didn't want to do in the first place. That was TOUGH! And I RESENTED it! We went from January to April with no breaks. I'm incensed that even though we're an Islamic school, we have to follow our local public district- and they based their break on the Christian calendar. That just meant that we went two months without a break, is all. That, and our break ends with Easter, so all the kids will be bombarded on their week off with pastel bunnies and candy and egg baskets and I don't know what all. I'm not mad at that; just that I'd be a lot more okay if, at Eid, we couldn't escape the 'Eid Mubaraks' and the 'takabarAllah'greetings, if sarees,and silks, and nice suits went on sale, if 'Eid Candy' were even a prospect.

Eh, part of this is that I'm grumpy because this break isn't long enough. I'm trying to figure out how to make it to see Umm Layth. It's been two months without a break, and my disposition suffered.

Two months is not that long. Unless you don't love your job. Then it's sucky.

Lots to think about. I'm currently typing with my Mac on my lap (I love Apple computers. I wish I had that huge Mac Book, but on the other hand, I love love love my baby and I'm happy I have it) while sitting in my bed, my legs propped on a pile of laundry. Who does this to themselves? I have a huge pile of laundry to do. ANd I really don't want to. Which is why I'm writing this post, to anticipate it being done and being able to do other stuff with my spring break.

I was just looking over my archives, and whoa, have I evolved in the past five years. I remember that chick who used to write here when she lived in portareeco, and she was fun, but having lived through what I did... I'm me. Won't be doing that again.

It surprises me how much more my spirituality comes out in my writing; Islam is definitely a fixed part of my identity. I realized it when I was trying to control my reactions earlier.
My favorite teacher, Mrs. A. Jeanne Moore, died on Sunday. I loved her dearly; it's a testament to her class that my Brotha from Anotha Motha (I'm officially giving im the blogname BAM) over there <--- agrees. (He's a grump-wump about teachers in general. Or he was when we were in high school.) She'd spell out the word 'Conservopolis' and made us learn it- this city's name is NOT a joke, even the national media misspells it occasionally. She taught me to write cursive. She taught me to love my self and enjoyed my wacky writing.

That last was most important for me, especially since Mrs. Moore was my first Black teacher. Now, Conservopolis has a decent educational system (even now one of our high schools is being featured on cable TV), and the program BAM and I began in was spectacular. We had two teachers per day from KG through 4th grade; but it wasn't until 2nd grade that we had Mrs. Moore. What she taught us counted; how she saw us stuck in a lot of ways.

(YES, I remember that this is a story about my spiritual identity creeping up on me everywhere. I'm getting there.)

Now, most of you know that I was raised as a Christian, where my mother was very spiritual and my father noncommittal as far as I could see (nowadays he goes to church regularly etc.), so we'd go to church with Mama. Mrs. Moore also attended the same church as my family. I don't know why I didn't realize this until after 2nd grade, but she did. So she was there to witness my pre-teen bossiness and our choir concerts. She was a Delta, and was so super proud when I did my debut with the Deltas. Yes, I'm a Delta Debutante! She sponsored me and came to my ball.

All that was before Islam.

Well, so yesterday my mother told me she died, and I just started sobbing. And the first thing I said? 'Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un' (From God we come, and to God we return). As I contemplated her life today, I thanked God for sending her to be my teacher- she retired just 3 years after I took her class. Today at the time of her funeral, I prayed for her- not the old prayers of my youth; no, what instinctively came to my mind were the pleas of the 'righteous legacy'. "Oh Lord! Expand her grave for her. Let her benefit from our good deeds. Oh Lord! Make the grave light for her, and let righteous Angels and sweet scents be her company. Oh Lord! Accept her good deeds, and make them outweigh the sins by seven times.". And then I added, to myself, 'She was not a Muslim, but she believed in You'.

Then I went back up to the school. The actual elementary school where we all took Mrs. Moore's class is gone, now; they tore it down and rebuilt it. When I walked in, who should I see but Mrs. C, the secretary from my days there! So I got the chance to let her know about Mrs. Moore.

Y'all, I spent a good 20 minutes reminiscing with Mrs. C., since her son Jason was in my class. But I had to stop myself, because every other word out of my mouth would've been 'MashaAllah!' or , 'SubHanAllah!'
Like when she told me that she has a 9 year old grandson, or when she talked about how my old girlfriends now have kids. I really took notice of how often I had to change my expressions around. And I talk a lot. So for me to incorporate dhikr like that means I've made a good deal of addition to my vocabulary. ... MashaAllah.

Hmph. While I was in the office, another lady was there who remembered Mrs. Moore and happened to know of the church since her cousins (who I also grew up with, small world) go there. First thing she said, was, "Oh, you Muslim?" Second question was, "Oh, some man turned you into that?"


*sigh*.

The irony is, I WISH I'd married some man who insisted that his be an Islamic house.

As much as I have incorporated my praise and worship into my life, it seems I will always be an ambassador for Islam, so I better get a little more in.


I don't have much more to say... or rather, I can't seem to type it over the din of the clothes-pile under my feet. InshaAllah I'll be back before the end of the week.

peace

Oops.

Assalamu Alaikum


The fact that I am eating apple pies and drinking vanilla ice cream shakes at 12AM has nothing to do at all with the fact that I missed posting in March. Hmph.


I think I will go make a bogus post in march just to say I did it.


More on ice cream later. Suffice it to say: Sunny's younger SIL lied, and it might not matter whether or not she did. I hate catty girls.

Hope everyone else's deen is still tight. Shouts to the 6 people following me in Google Reader. Y'all rock.

peace
TwennyTwo

THE March Post

Assalamu Alaikum,
This is a bogus post.

See post above.

peace,
TwennyTwo

Last minute

assalamu alaikum,

Okay, so I told myself that I wouldn't go for an entire calendar month without blogging. This gives me um... 35 minutes to blog. Yay, I made it.

I began this month waiting for it to be over. Which? Is no way to spend 1/12th of 1/28th of my life. Some great things have happened, though. My brother from another mother reappeared in my life (yay, Facebook!), which was fun.

What else? One of the founders of Bayyinah program came to Conservopolis and did a 3-day lecture on the Balagha of the Qur'an. Twas EXCELLENT and if you ever have the chance to go through one of these courses, I recommend it! I was actually sponsored, so I have to send a huge hug to Baji and Bayya who I suspect were my sponsors, and even if they weren't, they hipped the sponsors to the fact that I needed sponsoring.

Yeah.

In other developments, I'm struggling to complete a lot of things, most important right now being my MSN application. I really really really want to go to school. But you know what? I had a 'come to jesus' moment (which, as some other blogger I can't remember said, involves neither Jesus (alayhi salaam) nor religion) and realized a couple of things about myself:

1) I need physical, intellectual and creative stimulation, the way some people need... um, I dunno, salah? Water? Addictive substances? Yeah, bad analogy but the point remains. I am happiest when I am moving and physically interacting with my world, taking some sort of class and outpouring creativity on a very regular basis.

This comes up because I am miserable realizing that my work is my priority, when I really want to go somewhere and study, then go train for the half marathon I registered for today, finishing the day by whipping up some portareecan food and quilting before bed. Yes, I'm irrational for making myself do so much (okay, not quilting so much... the rest is fair game), but it has worked in the past. ON the other hand, when I realized this, it helped because I came up with some really creative projects to do with the preschoolers, and man, did I feel better after a morning of fingerpainting... and then I followed that with a day of soap and color mixing. Their moms hate me for my addiction to colorants (uniform is white shirt, navy bottoms) and I? Don't care. They'd hate me more if I were miserable and making children miserable as well.

2)I am a night person: nocturnal alerness is my DEFAULT state -of-being. This is problematic because, well, weekends aren't enough time to reset my body clock fully, just enough for me to sleep in, wash clothes and dishes and clean things from midnight to about 4 am, do qiyam, and then sleep in again... thereby throwing me out of all the social things people happen to like to do on weekends. Then I'm grumpy and late to work (and yes I ask Allah to bless my bosses abundantly for overlooking the fact that I hate to be up awake and smiling at a 'normal business hour'), or at work and cynical, until Wednesday or so. And yes, I've fought this, but according to my best sources (my mama), I have ALWAYS been alert at night. Blame my father, it's genetic. This world belongs to diurnes (do you like that? I made it up) and it stinks.

It does make me wonder what I'd've done in the days before incandescent light and personal electronics. I think I'd've been a heckuva astronomer; I loved the stars in Puerto Rico. Where I actually saw them, because, you know, the skies were clearer, and I was still. awake. to see them.

3) I need to get married. Three years on, my touch and love post (go check the archives or search above, I'm too lazy to link) still holds true. I have no idea what kind of man will marry a nocturnal muslimah who craves physical, intellectual, and creative stimulation on a regular. Who wants to be a nurse and doesn't want to work after she has kids. I'm still taking classes at practimate.com (again, go link yourself), and they are working out the kinks.
I need some perspective, which I suspect won't come until after I'm inshaAllah married. Because the whole 'matching' process in a community/ummah that encourages separation of genders and matchmaking that includes factors like your family (hi, my brother's nuts and the rest of us aren't muslim), your education (Yes I went to the most expensive school in the country and didn't use that degree, why do you ask?), your SKIN TONE (last I checked chocolate don't change) before your deen (alhamdulillah ana nimat al Islam!) is discouraging.

So because of 1, 2, and 3 above I don't even know if getting an MSN is wise.


I also have to say, that I stopped blogging for a while because I don't think anyone is reading... and the ones who are reading, know me in real life. I didn't think that would be as inhibitive as it is. And I need to blog that through... anyhow.

I'm out. See ya'll before April.

peace
TwennyTwo

Music

Assalamu Alaikum,
'Deen Tight' trailer-ht to MuslimahLocs for the link.

So I've been thinking about the music thing. First, I went to visit UmmLayth (yes, she of TheMuslimah.com, may Allah bless her); as it turns out, she doesn't live that far from Conservopolis. Since I'd left my laptop at her house I went to retrieve it and stayed the night. It was so good to see her!
We got to talking about many different things, and music was one of them. Alhamdulillah I'm not going to talk about her house here, except to say that she doesn't have a television, and the stereos I saw were not on once. Ya'll say mashaAllah.

She asked me if I listened to music... and then added that she doesn't judge on it. I guess she understood the look on my face.

See, whenever the subject of music and Islam, and living with or without it comes up, I feel pushed. I'd already converted when one of the sisters in MSA, I think she was a vp at the time, made some remark about how a certain person was so extreme, that they put all the pictures in the house face-down, and 'didn't even listen to music!'. And I immediately asked her, "Wait- music isn't allowed in Islam?" She refused to answer, and quickly changed the subject.

So even then I understood this to be something that involved a definite difference of opinions.

Fast forward a couple years, past the MSA East Zone convention where I started wearing hijab, to living in Puerto Rico. By then I was in full immersion mode, and riding in the car with my friend Abeer.

I love Abeer for many reasons, not least of which is that during one lonely Ramadhan after learning that I was fasting by myself, she piled her kids into her rusty blue'89 Chevy wagon, came to my house and bullied me into the car, and did not leave me alone henceforth. I truly believe she not only saved my sanity, but she maintained my link to Islam. This was shortly before I got my first laptop and started this blog.

Anyway, so we were winding through the streets of Guayama, and Abeer asked me:" Pues, cuando mueres, quieres musica, o quieres Qur'an?"- did I want music, or Qur'an playing at my funeral? I forget what brought that on, I think maybe someone famous had died in PR recently.
"Qur'an," I replied firmly.
My brainwashing was nearly complete.

Something brought me back from the brink, though.

It's because of the extremity of actively avoiding music. Not only is it everywhere, but I operated for the longest in a world that moved to its direction. And, I can't see evil just in the existence of melody and harmony. I'm sorry- the Qur'an has too much of those beautiful sisters for me to dislike them for their own sake.

I fully understand the reasons for the dislike of music, really. It takes away from study of Qur'an, it occupies the mind with other things- and certain of these things can be undesirable. There's a hadith involved.

But I also know that I've been brought closer to understanding how to love Rasulullah (saws) and his example through music. Native Deen, Sami Yusuf, and Outlandish have all inspired me to learn more about certain hadiths and ayahs. I still feel the transcendance when music and a deft lyric can say more than all the speeches anyone could write.

And beyond that? As they said in the video, this is something that my mother does, that my grandmother did, that her father did. I know the songs used to tune the hoes in the fields. I know the weariness on my mother's shoulders by the tune she chooses while she scrubs a dish. I can tell you what grade I was in when given hip-hop tunes came out, and who was my friend, and who was my teacher, and what happened to make I was taught as a child that music was something we used to praise God. What do you mean, God doesn't like it? This hit me about as much as not wearing shoes inside peoples' houses- my father insisted that we wear shoes inside the house if we were awake. It's that kind of training. I'm a classically trained musician, and my siblings have won gold medals in performance. How do I turn away? I just don't see first that it's wrong, and second, how to fight it.

I do know that the way forward is through strengthening faith. The more I memorize Qur'an, the more I want to learn more, the less time I do spend with music. I do miss composing though, and spoken word. So that's the part of hip-hop I feel connected to. As it is, I rarely listen to music unless I'm working out.

Gotta go- just one more point. As part of the Practimate training, we're invited to express our opinions on marriage and potential partners in a variety of ways. One brother expressed his disdain for a sister who- among other things- listened to music. I really wonder how many of these brothers listen to absolutely no music (I mean, no anasheed? Sami Yusuf but without strings? What?) and how to portray the fact that I'm okay with filtered music right now, though inshaAllah I'm definitely open to decreasing my usage. How intolerant are we as an ummah to something where there is a known difference of opinion?

Okay, I'm off my soapbox. Salaamu Alaikum.

peace
TwennyTwo

When a dream is awesome

Assalamu Alaikum,

Man, it's cold. I only mention it because it was so cold I got off work yesterday. Yes, the schools closed for a COLD DAY.

Mind you we're talking minus 15 wind chill, so it was kinda expected.

It gave me much needed time to rest...

... and to do my Practimate work. Go on, check it out, it's a new initiative by Sheikh Yaser Birjas, of Marriage Revolution fame.

I like the program because it offers training for people before they marry... and even before you meet 'The One'. Training of the sort I've been bugging Bro. Leader about for a while, but he's got bigger better things to do. So I'm in the first batch of people to go through the program, and I like- not because it's asking me to think about things that I've never thought about before. I've actually thought about marriage enough that my answers are substantial. I like the exercises because they're forcing me to focus and clarify my thinking, and my expectations for marriage. And this is just Step One of eight in the program.

My only (teeny weeny) detraction is that I think we need to do more! Faster! Both because I really (really) want to get married already, and because I'm an action oriented person, I need something going on in order to keep working on the program. We discuss a new module every 3-5 days (it's supposed to be 2-4, but 3-5 is more like what I've noticed).

So, yeah. Practimate rocks.

In related but different matters, I had the most awesomest dream yesterday. This was after going out to eat with my family, on my sister's birthday. Happy Birthday Toto! But anyway, so I came home and went to sleep and... dreamt. Of a person I won't name. And I was mad happy when I woke up (before Fajr!).

Because dreams can be suggestive of the future, I don't want to tell the details. But I do have a question. When a dream is awesome, how do you follow it? Do you just wait and see what happens? Or do you act on what you saw? I feel a very strong urge to do a particular thing based on this dream. I mean, I woke up and prayed the urge to go do this was so strong. MashaAllah.

And when is a dream just, you know, a dream?

peace
TwennyTwo

My Fairy Tales

Assalamu Alaikum,


Most of my friends- I mean, a good deal- are married (or coupled and nearly married up... lookin' at you, Meke). And all of the women will tell you that the first thing I ask about is how they got together. I call those stories my 'fairy tales'- even if they're no happily ever after story, they're always good for a sigh and a smile.

The story of Michelle Obama is no exception:


My friend A. has warned me, 'Don't go talking about this to everyone! This is private!' And I took her nasiha at first, because she was right in that not all ears are attached to those who are looking out for my best interest. But at the same time, it's just hard for me NOT to talk about the things that interest me; so when you're around me you hear about preschool learning activities, microbiology and midwifery, and marriage. And alhamdulillah, I think that especially in this cuture, in the US, the pot that squeals gets poured. If I don't put it out there that I love my students, that nursing and the whole process of birth interest me, and that I want to get married, how will opportunities make themselves known?

Today at halaqa we talked about Hasad, and jealousy, and the evil eye, and how nothing that happens to us happens, except by permission and will of Allah. And that just as we are working within time with our tools of free will, good deeds, and dua'a to ask Allah to give us good, we can't understand just how fully Allah is outside of time, and created free will, and wants us to ask for what he already gave. It was deep.

And since I was sitting close to Bro. Leader, I looked down at my behennaed hands while he talked. I've found that the American respect of looking people in the eye when they're talking doesn't always translate well into intimate Islamic study circles... and when I looked up, Farhan was sitting across from me. I was startled. And got flustered... could this be the beginning of my own fairy tale? I gazed at my hands again, and made dua'a that Allah's will be made clear. When I looked up again, Farhan was gone. And Bro. Leader had returned to the topic of the goodness of Allah's rizq, in that he has written not only what he willed, but what we ask for.

peace
TwennyTwo

Against pity parties

Assalamu Alaikum,

(There's a plea for your help for a certain group at the bottom of this entry- scroll down if you want your ajr the quick way.)

For reasons I don't care to remember, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself yesterday. I mean, I had the blues, those weepy whiny unshakeable doldrums. Not a happy place, you know?


Then, I talked to my mama. Still blue.

Then, I ate some food. Still blue.

Then I missed juma'a. Now REALLY blue (I forgot they changed the time since the last time I could go. Boo, hiss, daylight saving time!).

So I asked myself, when it is that I feel at my best- and the answer is when I'm helping someone else's need. There's really nothing that feels better than that, sometimes. Maybe that's something that Allah put in all of us- or maybe He requires us to give Zakah in order to make sure that we feel it once in a while. Wa Allahu Alim.

And then I started thinking that I needed to be actively thinking about other people. So I went ahead and made dhuhr and asr and made dua'a for some other people I know who really need adiyat to Allah. I mean, wow. I had the blues about some pretty insignificant stuff, compared to the worry they're facing.

Then, I got dressed and put on a little lip gloss (I was ACTIVELY kicking out the pity party, I needed some glimmer), and I went to Conservopolis's rally for Gaza. Again, just making dua'a for the people of Gaza while I was driving. If you've been on my FB, you know how I feel about the situation.
In order to get to the rally site I had to park my car at the masjid, and then walk, alone, for about 10 minutes. That was amazing, that walk. It was right after maghrib, the sky was amazing colors, but the street was dark enough to encourage thought. I'd forgotten about how crucial physical exercise can be. I got a chance to think things out.

We all stood on the corner with lights. I saw to my pleasure some unexpected friends there, from MAS. And some of my students, to hold my hand. We all said Surah al Fatiha, those of us who knew it, and then walked down the street, silently, with lights, to the masjid.

I was really feeling better at that point.

Anyway, I ended the day at MAS's Friday Social, and had a great time laughing with the women there, some excellent people. I really cut up, making people laugh. And to put a cherry on the great end to a horrible day, UmFarhan and Marya showed up (they said at the rally they'd probably be going home). And I went to sleep with that sense of release that only serious laughter in seriously good company can bring.

That day, with it's relatively light horrible beginning, had an excellent ending alHamdulillah. If I hadn't gone through that, I don't think I'd've been able to post about it, and so I wouldn't have posted below. SubhanAllah.

After I woke, I read this entry. Last week pretty much everyone in the country heard about the massacre in Southern California, where an ex-husband of a daughter at her parent's party on Dec. 24th dressed in a Santa suit and opened fire on the party. He later set the house on fire. Sylvia Ortega was killed as were eight of her relatives. As a result of that night, thirteen children were left totally orphaned, and two others lost one parent.

Remember that our prophet, my Allah bless him and give him peace, was an orphan. Imagine one of your children orphaned. Please give what you can. And if you absolutely cannot give (are you positive? Do you know the rewards of giving to orphans?), then please make dua'a for this family, the families of those lost and injured and under duress in Gaza, the West Bank, and Isra'il.

fimanillah (with faith in God),
TwennyTwo

Feliz Año 1430... o 2009

Assalamu Alaikum,

So lately I've been thinking about this whole thing of not celebrating anything but Eid. I like it and in reality that's how I roll; but it complicates my life. Because I live with my parents and all. So, for example, this year 1430 and 2009 began relatively closely to each other- which led to this scenario:

Me: Hi, I finally brought back the books! Made it just in time!
Holden the librarian: Oh! Happy New Year!
Me: Oh! Thanks! You know?
Holden: Know what?
Me: Oh, the Islamic New Year began yesterday. But Happy New Year to you, too. (totally embarrassed by that slip)

To add to it I got my own henna powder (and didn't have to sift it, can you believe that?) and so went about the past three days with henna patterns on both hands. I mixed it myself because I was trying to come up with a good recipe (psst... sifted powder, fresh squeezed and strained lemon juice, a little sugar, honey, and my secret ingredients- clove oil {substitute lavender oil for kids and preg. mamas) and eucalyptus oil... my henna is still BLACK looking, yo, it's excellent!) and so now JW is freaking out. "It wierds me out to hand you something when your hand looks like that... does it hurt?" I keep forgetting my hands look weird to other people. MashaAllah, my little islamically enclosed world is well insulated. I don't leave it except to go home and go to class.

I'm making dua'a for those we know aren't beginning this year well- I got into such a 'discussion' over on my FB over Gaza. I happen to have studied this in school, it makes me so sad and angry on so many levels. May Allah help the oppressed, and help the Muslims to be on the side of the righteous, may He continue to guide everyone to a resolution of this violence, and may He give comfort and solace to ALL of the grieving families and grant Jennah al Firdous, the highest heaven, to those killed injustly in His time, amin.

Please make dua'a for me. May this be the year that truly increases my iman, and keeps us all on the straight path. A year full of revealed goodness, of blessings and strength and success in all good things.

fimanillah
TwennyTwo

FaSulli li Rabbika w AnHar

assalamu alaikum,

I made it! We are two days into winter break already. And alhamdulillah, everyone is still alive.

I made a few simple goals for this break; since I knew I wasn't going to camp I'd have the time... the only thing I had set in stone was dinner today with my great-aunt.

Which we might end up late for.

Because I'm dragging my feet.

And not because I dislike my relatives, either. It's actually a conflict of fiqh on my part. You know, celebrating Christmas versus honoring ties with relatives, even if they are of different faith. But anyway.


So, the things on the list?:

-Go to the gym for 2.5 hours (or 650 calories) daily (every day it's open). This is in prep for the Flying Pig Half Marathon. And if it's called the Flying Pig, InshaAllah I'll actually be running it!

-Toss my very broken bed and move in a new frame.

-Sew the pants pattern and cloth I've had sitting for 2 years; if it isn't begun by 4 January the whole thing goes to charity inshaAllah.

-Tidy up my room.

See? Fairly simple things to do. InshaAllah I'll have time to do some (paper) journaling, cook some lunches and suppers ahead, and study microbio (so far I'm doing okay, but catchup is in order!)

whaaa---??

salaams,

Okay, my EMAILS are not working. Plural. As in none of my passwords are working. And I can't get into facebooks. Uh-oh...

Happy

Assalamu Alaikum,

I'm still here. Still happy. Very busy alhamdulillah.

Later!

peace
TwennyTwo

free associating

Assalamu Alaikum,

Today is my father's birthday. I'm happy and blessed to still have him here. We went to dinner, sans JW, at one of his favorite restaurants. The food was okay, the conversation liberally seasoned with laughter. I wish it were that way all the time. Alhamdulillah for the good days.

I didn't go to work today, and I'm really frustrated with the fact that I couldn't get a strep test. I've been ill for some weeks, but my dr's office suggested that I go to the Urgent Care or an ED. For a strep test? I was a bit offended. Especially when, her partner wouldn't do the strep test either- he specialises in children. It's just funny to me that you must see thousands of cases of strep in a year, but you won't do a strep test on someone over the age of 18. Okay.

So now I either get to find a new office tomorrow morning for the purposes of the strep test (and to figure out what this is if it isn't strep- I've been ill more and less since Eid). I'm not returning to the doc I saw before, who decided it was necessary to voice her opinion on my hijab. No, thanks.

While at my sister's house I found a paper I had lost, with the email of a suitor on it... so I guess I am supposed to contact him. Make dua'a for me.

peace
TwennyTwo

What to say

Assalamu Alaikum,

Okay, yesterday I didn't know what to say.

Today I still don't, but it wasn't until today that it hit me.
Today I was sobbing in my car on my way to work. I can't believe it.

But I still don't have words for what I"m feeling. It's not elation. I think my first two voting experiences numbed me to elation after an election, you know?

Hey, the 20-year republican House representative of my Conservopolis district is out, that's a plus.

I think the future remains to be seen and is in the hands of Allah.

***

On other notes- I have some serious istikhara to make. So keep making dua'a for me, and thanks for sticking around. InshaAllah I'll be back soon.

Alhamdulillah! Election

Assalamu Alaikum,

I decided that since my absentee ballot never made it, that I'd vote early. I rose at fajr (yay Macs with the Guidance system!) and made my way over.

Imagine my surprise to find NO parking spaces and an hour and a half wait. Yes, I was in line at 6:15 and didn't vote until 7:53.


An African American PResident. Alhamduilillah.

peace
TwennyTwo

Prayer contemplatioGn etc

Assalamu Alaikum,

Today started out well and ended regrettably. I'm glad I remembrered to blog about it. Yay- 3 days in a row for NaBloPoMo! Let's see how far I go.


Here's my reminder that came of the more stressful things in my day:

1. Males as well as females need to be educated on pregnancy and the choices that lead to and through it. I cannot say more but um just REALLY take that one heavily, okay?

2. Everybody go write a will right now. This is sunnah. Many of the companions of the Prophet, may Allah grant them peace, would go and deliberately take care of their affairs before they went into battle, as the Prophet (saws) directed. In his last days, the Prophet himself went to the masjid and asked if anyone still had a debt upon him.

Write a will and tell SEVERAL people you'd trust with your life about where it is adn the provisions in it. This goes DOUBLY if you have descendants, I don't care if they are of age or not. You need to tell someone how you want your remains disposed, you need to say what should happen to any inheritance you should leave behind, you need to designate your charity portions, you need to HAVE YOUR DEBTS PAID OFF. My friends, when I heard the lesson about how one is not supposed to be buried until his debts are paid, and how if he is then he feels the torture of the grave and the person who has the debt will still have that right over him on the day of judgment, please believe I was chilled.

I don't want to go into the conversation that led to this statement, but know that I have bugged and will continue to bother my halqa leaders until they give us an Islamic will-writing conference; meanwhile I have drawn up papers detailing who and how my remains and any funds (ha!) I leave will be distributed. I'm living for tomorrow, but in cas eI don't live THROUGH tomorrow I'm straight... inshaALlah.

3. Friends who don't let friends unwillingly stay single ROCK.

heh heh- on that note I'm publishing before the day is over!

peace
TwennyTwo

Whoo-hoo, day Two

Assalamu Alaikum,

It has been a long day. No, that's not a pun on the time change, but I'm happy about that, too.

My goal for this month (because I have nothing to do, right, what with teaching tutoring halaqas and now classes) on a personal level is to de-clutter- take two things out of my room for every 1 thing I purchase or have to bring in. I'm so tired tonight that I started a load of clothes and just plopped in the bed, but the next several months will require me to push through the tired, so I may as well begin now.
I did clean out my car, though, and that was a major accomplishment.

I'd appreciate your dua'a through this week; I've been sick and now really don't feel well; unfortunately I have to return to work tomorrow instead of staying home as was my inclination because Tuesday are parent-teacher conferences, and wednesday is our state inspection. I've got some cleaning I want to get done on Tuesday and lesson planning for Monday, so between those I don't get a break until Thursday unless I am suddenly paralysed, Allah forbid. inshaAllah khair.

I've got to decide how much pressure I want to put on myself and how much I will keep accepting from outside. I learned as a young child that wanting something was bad- and now I'm fighting both unmotivation (is that a word?) and entitlement. How do you fight those? By just doing it, picking up and setting goals - and by giving back to other people.

So that's what I'm working on starting now...

peace
TwennyTwo

NaBloPoMo

Assalamu Alaikum,

Wow, NaBloPoMo is back. This is national blog posting month, in which you post every single day for a month.

I make no promises, but am starting out in good faith. Today was... I feel like I got nothing done toward MY goals today, just everyone else's.

But there's a social event at the downtown mosque today that I"m going to. So I'll do that, and moon over the fact that my Baji is sick. (Anyone have any cures for nausea that don't involve ginger? Or eating a cracker/dry carb before you sit up in bed? That and accupuncture is all I got. I'm pretty sure she's unhappy but since she's not talking... I thought I'd ask for help.)

One day. I make no promises, but here's the intention.

peace
TwennyTwo

AS I was saying...