Just spent wayyy too much time soothing my girlfriend Imiaz out of first being hysterical, then depression. I'm tired.
The whole situation stinks. It came about because she's nuts about one of her guy friends. It scared me because I have friends like that. But I don't think I can do it any longer. I love Imiaz but I'm not setting myself up to take the same path she did. I only really have two other things to say:
1) Men and Women shouldn't be close friends. (Note the emphasis on the word close.) I say this as one who has platonic yet close friendships with people who happen to be male, a habit I'm seeing is gonna stop. Right this second.
Close male and female friendships mess up later potential love relationships for both men and women. Speaking from experience, I want to be best friends with my husband. So I'm operating counter to that purpose if I make a lot of best friends while looking for a husband somewhere else. Knaw'mean?
I'm starting to agree with the old folks' wisdom my mama told me: if you already are getting what you want, why do you want more? If we have companionship (without sexual relationships) from the opposite sex, then why should we want to get married? Having close male friends, for a woman, gives an outlet that IMO shouldn't be there. Also, from the other side, if a man is close friends with women and knows all about them, what's there to say that he's gonna want to go after a 'special' woman and focus his attention on her? There's no essential mystery there, no difference in his mind based purely on the 'otherness' of the feminine, nothing to tempt or tantalize and keep'em wanting the special relationship of marriage with a woman that he never truly knows inside and out (because if she's smart she has him mystified 50 years later).
That's my $.02 on that.
2) Don't play with the word love. Just don't do it. SubhanAllah this practice is making me furious. This i-can't-stress-how-potent emotion-verb is WAY too overused. So here's a way to end confusion and grief from both sides of the sex divide- do not use the word love to ANYone, male or female, related or not, joking or not unless you mean it. It is not a means to an end, a tool for manipulation, is not casual in any way shape or form. Do not say you love someone unless you have thought several times and then several times more about it, unless you brought that person into the world, unless selflessness toward that person is your only reason and expression in saying it. Just don't. Period.
That'll be all.