I'm happy.


I've moved out of my aunt's house and into a house with two young ladies around my age. I like them both; one has an exuberant, extroverted personality; the other is more quiet and observing and calmly pointed in her remarks. If there were a scale for personalities, mine would fit right in between the two. Two cats, Rainbow and Principessa, came with the house. 'Pessa is the darling siamese, and Rainbow the antisocial guy.

Insha'Allah I'll be signing for a loan to buy my aunt's old car pretty soon. I'm ok with this arrangement since I needed the car, and since my bank's minimum auto loan requirement is nearly double the value of the car, I'll be able to offset the interest (ha! Riba defeat!) with the difference, since my aunt agreed to give it back to me.

I'm still in love with my job. I arrived late; but the structure of the place is such that as long as I get the work done, no one really cares when I do it. So I'll stay until around 7 and knock out all that's on my desk. I feel so competent and needed here. I'll lock up when I leave, and walk (walk!) the 10 minutes to get to my house in a lovely, old, green, quiet little community.

My insecurities are wrecking me right now, however. I'm letting myself get in the way of my goals. I'm conflicted. And that's showing up in wavering of my practice of Islam. I don't want to go into detail right here and now, because I know I should be 'covering' my faults and not exposing myself. Plus, a lot of people who know me in 'real life' read this blog. I need to be circumspect.

SO here's the main question: how to deal with myself when I know what I want and could try to get it, but I'm scared of failing?
Or worse, being so scared of negative responses that I lock up and don't reach out to people who could help me?

Seems like that's always my question, isn't it?


But other than that (dreadfully intensely centrally important) question,
I'm happy. Thanks, God.

peace
TwennyTwo