Monday, June 05, 2006

torn torn torn



Some while back I mentioned that my mother's mother had to undergo a biopsy. I recall at the time that I didn't have a great feeling about it. No matter. Your duas are needed- it's without doubt cancer, and it has spread.

Grandma is already recuperating from knee replacement surgery, which she'd put off for quite some time, but which was supposed to give her a lot of her mobility back. Now the doctors are talking about major surgery next week. What really frightened me is that they're not giving her chemotherapy beforehand- they think she's too weak to deal with it. I might have mentioned that my mother was in Tuskegee last week- turns out she was there b/c she found out the diagnosis. Apparently Grandma has lost tons of weight, "and not eating-right weight, but the 'my-body-is-fighting' weight", Mama said.

Pray, please pray. I think I'm more like my grandmother, so we tend to argue and keep each other at arms' length. My mother, and my sister, though are much closer to her. I'm torn up about her being sick, because I've been there (and how). I want her to feel her cantankerous and outrageous self. I've been asking for my feelings toward her to soften. Surprised the heck outta me, when my mother mentioned that she needed someone there all the time, that I said "I could do that. I wish I could go"- and I meant it. I'd be there now if it werent for the fact that I can't do it and work, too.

Pray for God's will to be done in this, and for his presence with my Grandma. Please. Add yours to ours.

Before I found all that out I was gonna tell y'all some things.......ummm....

Oh yeah.

Name change: Yes, Koonj, I have to "officially" change my last name to include my mother's maiden name, as it is shown on my PR ID. Since the great Commonwealth (common weal) of Virginia has decided that since it appears that way on the PR ID that I must have changed it and so need official proof - a court order- of a name change I never made in the first place. This is aggravating in the extreme. To add to this my parents, naturally, are against that since they say my name is as they gave it to me, and never included my mother's maiden name in any way shape or form. I agree with them in theory (I repeat, I NEVER changed my name legally- culturally in PR if you don't use yo mama's name on official stuff they think you're a bastard. No. Even bastards just use their mom's maiden name twice for their last names. See?) but I'm not tryna a)take the driver's license test, in a borrowed car, for however many times I'd have to take it THIS time (it was 4 before I passed after I left the country) b) just get a VA state ID so that if I ever want to drive again I'd STILL have to get another license, thereby just delaying option A by some undetermined time period.

Plus, I actually have no problem acknowledging the fact that my mother is my mother by adding her father's name to mine. I think their attitude is a little bit funny considering that my birth certificate doesn't list her under her married name even though she was married. Hmph. I digress. My PR license is good 'til 2009; I'm still mad that people won't just let it rest and let me deal with licensing issues in 2009. Virginia's all nuts b/c some of the people who flew the 9/11 planes used VA ID's. 9/11 has complicated my life mo' than a lil' bit.

Columbia: I've decided I'm going insha'Allah. It's too early/late to get into it now. Thanks for all your commentary. Please discuss as you wish. Dictator Princess, I'm with you on the debt... really, really-really. but at the same time, Alhamdullillah, I've got the chance to go to the #1 school in the world for what I want to do, something I worked hard for. How do I turn down a blessing? How much is a dream worth? Ima find out- insha'Allah insha'Allah insha'Allah.

I think I'll go get some sleep. I'm baby-sitting tomorrow!


1 comment:

  1. Im sorry to hear about your grandma. I pray inshallah she recovers.

    Take care girl.