So, I went and looked over the past 5 or 6 entries here, and they're pretty negative, with the exception of my sister's graduation. I did notice that vaguely before I just kinda took a break. I needed to. I didn't start this blog with the purpose of negativity- although God knows it's turned into a source of barakah and support I didn't anticipate either.
One last entry of negative, downers. I promise. From the end of this entry, I'm going to be able to show the positive outlook I've been able to finally grasp, bit by bit, MashaAllah.
In order of importance, then:
I'm looking for a place to live, as close to Alexandria, VA as possible. Please, leave me a comment if you know of a place that is under $700/mo. I don't mind sharing a house, that's the situation I'm in now.
How this happened:
A while back I said here that my situation at home was not peaceful, that my two roomies were fighting. One of them eventually moved out (M). M was generally the nice one. The one who remained (R)is also nice when she's not being immature or not nice. Nuff Said.
My lease was supposed to be up at the beginning of February. Last week, before she left for her sister's graduation, R mentioned that she wanted to just have two roomies in the house. I was pretty straight about the fact that I couldn't afford it. And she asked when my lease was up.
Fast forward to today, when she walked into my room and mentioned that she didn't want to renew my lease. I asked why, she said, "I need peace in my home. And I think we'd be better friends if we lived apart." I didn't feel like exercising my credibility-meter (I'll leave it up to Someone Else on whether or not to believe that, since I haven't fought with anyone here), so I just said, "You know, that leaves me three days to find a place to stay." She offered me until the middle of the month to move, I said I wanted until the end of the month, which I thought quite fair. Deal struck. I'm outta here no later than 28 February. This is where I turn to those of you who read this blog and know/live in the DC metro area.
I'm now looking for a place to stay, and I'd really say SubhanAllah if I found it in the next 10 days. Living here now that that conversation took place... I'm making dua right now for patience and love for my fellow human beings at all times. I don't want anything from here to take with me, emotionally. Funny that I was just thinking that I needed to be looking into places to stay right before R walked into my room. I have no bed, just dresser, mirror, bookcase, so I'm looking into getting a second job in order to be able to move. Please also let me know if you know of a place that could use a worker after 6pm- I'm tall, I don't mind physical stuff.
The other thing is that Joy M., a friend that I went to high school with, just died. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.
She was only 28. So within the space of a year two friends I went to school with have died, suddenly and unexpectedly.
It's reminders of death. And that caught me hard. It made me turn more toward God. I had been reading Purification of the Heart by Sheik Hamza Yusuf, and it kept talking about remembering death, how close it is, how fast the akhira is coming.
This particular friend was one of my "double friends". When I was in middle school and high school, my routine involved school, home, church, and community activities. MashaAllah I never had a chance to get into real trouble. My parents really made it their focus to keep us involved and grounded and working for others. I actually miss that which is another post. Point is, if I knew people, it was from one of those things, and they rarely mixed. Joy, her sister Jessica, my sister, and I all went to the same high school as well as church, and we ended up doing community events together as well. We all sang in the choir together. I'm so sad for her sister, they were so close, and now Jessica only has her mother left- her dad died at the beginning of her sr. year of high school, and her other siblings are waaaay older ( like minimum 15 years older) than she is. I made dua. But it's still sad.
Also: Things are getting stressful at my job. I'm working to improve my performance, because I want to give it my all. Please make dua for me in that, too.
I keep remembering the dua Shabana taught that one time: " I know this is from You. And it is to test me. And it is to try me. And I will be patient on it. And I will be patient on it as long as You want me to be patient on it." Over and over and over again we'll be tried. Right now I just hope I'm doing well on His tests. Ya Latif! Ya Aziz! I still firmly absolutely believe, even when it's hard.
Okay. One last negative is done. InshaAllah things will be better.