Then

Assalamu Alaikum

It's hard to imagine having a non-disastrous but still hellish day that'd be tougher than today.

Eid Mubarak, btw.

I did it to myself, though.

Today was the day that caused me to look at all my failures and just...


just...

Not even face them. More like look at them, examine the tiny crazes and flaws of the useless facades I use in my life, and then see the giant gaps where I'm failing miserably anyway.

I'm not even crying.

I just read the email of a beloved friend who had a mastectomy. She sent the email more than 10 days ago. I felt terrible on so many levels reading that email. That was the end of a day in which I misplaced my gradebook (midterms due at midnight tonight), ate dinner seated directly across from members of the Catty Crew who cause me to have to make some serious dhikr by being in the same room (dealing with MY issues of jealousy and anger, not their insularity or cattiness, mind you) took a group of middle school boys on a field trip in the middle of some rowdy, boisterous schools, and got pulled over on the way back from said field trip for a bogus reason- and got ticketed. With 3 of my students in my car. That was after I arrived to work late. On field trip day.

So. I'm laying this one at the feet of my Lord. Because otherwise I call do-overs. On, like, this month. Seriously.